Well I'm not quite sure what the plot would be but I know that would be about my life and I know that my life was about finding out why we are here everyone else wanted to be a doctor or lawyer pharmacist or whatever our manner something I wanted to be a scientist but I want to get one question answered and that is why is the human race here and I have found but it's not what you have hope for so anyway. I thought that would be a good idea to use Dragon NaturallySpeaking to write this book but I also thought it might be a good idea to also type some of it so that I could find out are the reader could find out whether talking was different than typing in what came out could be possibly different so I thought I'd do balls but not really quite sure if this is going to last anyway I find that I lack the discipline and some of the necessary tools to continue writing 427 days no 127 days anyway I hope that I can keep up the pace I haven't written very much so far and there's a long long ways to I tried to copy and paste some of my work written that I had a notepad the amalgam story and some of the trips that I took across the globe have been to a lot of places and I've seen a lot of things I've done a lot of things that a person of my background or my experience could never have done I'm not quite sure how I did it myself but I've seen a lot of things and some I wish I hadn't but now I am desperate for money and I need to find a way to make some money without using my back so I have to write the story of my life to save to save my life possibly because I can't do the work I can't physically work hard enough whether it be a handyman or carpenter a plumber's helper electricians operator or any kind of labor I'm I'm not gonna make it I have to do something so this is out of pure necessity but I hope it's an entertaining story and I hope that you enjoy reading so with that all sign off for nowHello I'm not really quite sure where to go after this I'm open to figure out what to say but after saying selling ice cream and donuts on the Riviera afterwards I went to Morocco but I discovered that it was a really dangerous place so I left there and went to Germany where I had just about given up and had a really strange experience in the woods my first camping night in the Black Hills Germany I had, strange episode where it seem like these trees were humoring me I would just like the trees were like communicating to me and never had this kind of experience before and and I haven't had eggs can in this case. It's ever again and still never forget it I thought I was going to die again you know what well for the first time but I was a pretty thin and it was snowy and I think I was going home I did I didn't want to go home I was it was Heaton home and so on but the next day I got a job right away and they gave me a steak to even they were really nice to me and I worked for them and I wish I'd stayed there a lot of bad things have happened I remember the one time that I there was this is weird confrontation with this other Frenchman the sky worked with and we are, just messing around but we had spilled wine on some of somebody's tent and the camp owners were so upset with us that time we thought we were going to jail rather I thought I was so anyway I took off in the middle the night ended up sleeping under a bridge there was a huge storm and all the ants crawled up on my sleeping bag and covered me with ants in the or biting me and it was horrifying but after that I kept hitchhiking I just didn't want to go home now I'm home and I wish I wasn't here I wish I was somewhere else it feels much better about myself but I had lost everything now with this mercury amalgam poisoning I don't know what to say I just feel horrified that they would let somebody put mercury inside somebody and it was horrifying to watch my brother shrivel up and die on but that's all I can say for now I'm not really quite sure what to say it’s like shoveling in the dirt for no reason at all. I’m not quite sure what I’ll find or if anything that at all. That’s right I
m trying to build something a rapport with you maybe. Well now it's the fifteenth day and I haven’ much written. It seems like a lot of work seeing how so many more thoughts go through my head much fast than I can get them to appear to hear. In some sort of readable way, you can understand what I’m trying to say. The Basic theme is the we ( or I should say I ) was guided by some unknown force to go out and do the things I did. And that that force was or had or quite possibly still is the same driving force that leads me to disaster hardship and most any kind of folly you can imagine. The reason why I say this is because it seems to me that the entity or entities that can do such phenomenal work have equal rights in both the good parts and the bad parts. It would have to be the that cleaver in other words no human being could pull it off. Unless they were very well connected and well healed. But the same goes for the good things that happen. But well get on with the story When my life really started it was the early summer of nineteen eighty and I was catching coins that people were loosing from going on the Ferris wheel in Blazers France on the Cote Du Zure.
At first, I thought no one would read this but then I thought Hay if isn't written they won't for sure so here we go.
Today I thought that if I'm going to be happy to make a mental note that it was hard won and that other people might be jealous of that and so may want to
rob me of it and so I must remember that in order to protect it. So protect your happiness when You are there> Mental note Protect your happiness with the mental note that others in leager to gain access to it. and theft is rampant in the happiness business.
I bought a motorcycle solely on appearances and well it was the same model my brother had almost killed himself on and that my Dad had purchased one just like it a long time ago. My plan it to turns it into a piece of art. So now I have it. Man, what a trip now looking back I can see that the purchase its self is going to be a far more valuable thing than the bike its self. I learned so many things about myself and it was a very valuable experience. It was really neat riding the bike out in the middle of Michigan and now wish I had gone further on the bike seeing how I now have it back and it's not running. My legs hurt and I wonder how much time I have left. I've been alone my whole life and I don't know why. What are we why are we wear are we. I am alone. I have been alone. I don't trust anything or anyone. I only think I can trust myself. Why is everything such a lie why is everything seems like false information. If history that I learned in school was the only speculation why weren't
I told it was just speculation. I don't like the night I don't like darkness. I was braver or I simply didn't fear the darkness as a child why do I more so as an adult. I'm losing my strength to carry on why does my end seem to be so harsh and cruel and lonely and isolated why is there no one here why do I feel hated what have I done wrong am I a bad person. Why is everything so vague and not understood? I wanted more I got more but what I have isn't very fun or fulfilling. Well, it's getting late in the fall of 2014 and I thought of one more trip abroad making it the third wave of departure in my life from The North American Country called the United States. It's not that it's a bad place to live it's a good place to live and I like the place I just find for myself a more challenging and transparent place to live is more fulfilling. I want to be what they want me to be but also what I want to be for me. Not easy or maybe I just think that if I am what they want I'll get what I want and I don't even know what that is. Finacial independance is one of them. I have some hoops to jump through to get to and to become what I want.. Wishing me luck to myself from myself for myself. My objective to go to frorida but really end up in the south of France or on the Mediterranean in the south somewhere with a small job and a moped or doing something in Europe but we'll see that going large.
Well, it's my second day with the NZT-48 and we will see how things go as it is also Holloween and I'm going to be Carrot Top. Carrot top didn't work I tried to make the wig work but it was shedding to badly to use for serving food. I thought about suicide a lot at work. I don't like what I do for a living and don't know where to go or what to do. I'm not very strong or good looking any more I'm a burden to society and I am ashamed of myself. I want to die. I think someone is going to read this and then think probably not?
misinterpreted by others and lead to some trouble for you< this is my horoscope today and could be for the larger percentage of my life.
Well, Now I've moved to Florida again and being with my mom. the trip down was incredible as usual. But this time was different It took me half the time and there was an incredible full moon that looked orange and then at times a bit blue like in a way. Well If I want something to eat I'd better go now. We are obviously in a lot of trouble but that doesn't seem to be affecting man's idea to bring more kids into the equation.nov
It's raining now in Florida and I'm sad because I really wanted to get some sun. It's been a rainy summer and now fall to. I hope to leave here soon. This place is terrible. what about that time in Morocco? I almost never came back. They won't do it the way we think with bullets or poison they can use deception and win everything not lifting a finger or anything they can just tell us it's only a matter of deception. The ringing in my head my tinnitus is making life unbearable and I want to die and I have no courage to kill myself. I struggle with an angry head and I have to try to be peaceful. the only escape I have if constant input of sound it's killing me. I want to die I hate life with this ring this constant ringing is killing me. I can't stand it anymore. I'm so weak I do just a little work and I'm really sore and my muscles hurt like crazy and the twitching is back again when just a few months ago it wasn't as bad. I get only a little sleep now. It's the thirteenth of November the year 2014 and it's 1:39am and life is not good and I want it to end. So for whoever it is out there that is doing this to me it really sucks. I suddenly slipped into a state of depression and don't know why. Perhaps it was the heat. It is now almost ninety degrees here and I don't do well in the heat. But perhaps there is more to it. I don't know. I don't understand the world is changing so fast and the people seem to be oblivious to it making a baby all the time. The economy is nuts the weather is nuts work is crazy I can't make sense of it. My mom wants me to live with our neighbor who I don't really know he is in a wheelchair. The only place to live over there is in there kitchen. After the recent events, I'm reluctant to even go out side. My life is in mess now because of the mercury amalgams and because it isn't recognized in mainstream medicine I am fucked. I've lost everything and nothing seems to be coming my way. it is hard to enjoy life and life is difficult my only thanks are that the pain has
at five years old I had to go to the kinder garden with some other kids it was really past kinder garden but I remember the kids there. I was making friends things went well for me except fo on the way home once I had run across the street and didn't make it home before I shit my pants. I was so embarrassed I hid in the thanksgiving corn stalks that we had out for decoration. why I hid there I had no idea. But I was afraid my mom would be furious with me. She was when she found me but not for shitting my pants but for hiding from her in the stalks. It didn't make me feel any better. I never saw those kids I had met as a school ever again. I was really upset by this turn of events because I was counting on seeing them again. They were going to be what I had thought life long friends.
We moved three mover times before finding a home on Austin Steet in Woodstock, Ill. I don't know anyone anymore. I'm a stranger to everyone and no one seems to like me I try to help out but I am not doing well. Everything hurts and I'm better than error but now broke and where is the good out there I don't know. I don't understand life. Even Ann Frank had allies. It seems that everyone is out to get me? My Tinnitus is destroying my life and I can't sleep. What the hell happened and why does the Universe hate me. What the hell did I do so wrong? I tried to be good and no else is good it all seems to be some sort of evil world. Everything is a lie and nothing is real. We have poisoned by the food we eat and the stuff they put in our bodies and we feel pain and sickness and no one comes to help and yet there are tonnes of people with so much more than they could ever possibly spend and yet there is so much inequality. If the world found out about my writing this I would just get punished for it. the world is a very sick place. And it seems that it is just getting worse. And yet so many people keep bringing more children into this world. I would never bring a child into this madness because I don't see the world as a very nice place to live. I see a very very negative world and I don't like anyone in it.
My view of the world is that man is trapped in slavery at birth regardless of any dogma or inner voice or religion or success stories. I don't see it I don't understand life. We all speak different languages and even those who do will only send text messages that again I have no idea of what or to whom it is for. I have no opinion except that one. of you today because I noticed how since this detox support group began I was one of the first twenty or so people. Now I don't really get a word in edgewise and it's really been a long time since the symptoms were really bad. But I noticed how the group has really a lot of followers and there is a definite movement here.
I thought wow this is cool look at all these people. This thing has really taken off. Now I want to go and help people get great plumping indoors for the poorest countries. Why and how you ask. Well, I think of my favorite things, having lived on the road most of my life I first think of well great indoor plumbing it one of them. We have new and advanced plumbing systems that are far superior than just a few years ago. The problem is you then start talking about infrastructure and then that in turn destroys the very thing you're trying to protect. And the circle goes around and around and then there jealousy and envy for who has the best and so on it never ends. You end up lost in the maze of diplomatic red tape that any political science major will likely not brave enough to make a master's theses on.
A side note about Walmart for giving a crap about my experience. The employees are friendly. You want to know why. I know why. this is why. My father had this sign at the front of his desk at work and I know it's only a joke but it frighteningly close to reality because you have nowhere to turn to if you go looking for a job a Walmart. The beating will continue until morale improves. Ha ha ha? Funny hu. Not really did the billionaires that control the world ever really help out with creating new jobs. it seems I'm not able to write or call or talk to anyone lately so I'll just write it down here. I'm in fear of my life because I know that they no longer want me around and I am on to them so that makes them not like me I guess in a way it is their safety that if I know who they are it's not safe for them or something plus I don't know if I'm able to call anyone at all anymore I can't seem to escape from here this place called America. or even Door County Wisconsin for that matter no one knows that I write this except for those who read without my permission which I'm sure happens so this is a note to them whoever you are. I wish you would stop hacking me. Surfed the Twelve Apostles in Australia , saved a woman swept away in a rip current in Australia, Saved a trapped bird in the ceiling of a Walmart with a Walmart ladder, I've seen the northern lights in Canada above the arctic circle, motorbike the Siddhartha highway in Nepal, Scuba dive the Bahamas and dove the great barrier reef, visit Machu Picchu, paraglide solo in Peru, skied the Swiss Alps and Rockies, climbed a fourteener, I've worked in five different countries and three different languages, I've been a windsurfer instructor, and ski instructor, I've been a carpenter and a writer and photographer, I've worked on the Verrazano Bridge and the George Washington Bridge, I've got artwork in Beijing and Telluride and Vail as well as New York, I've been a foster parent and a surrogate father. I've been an Innkeeper and a cook.
English (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvt6lyiDwQc)My book starts out with this song but instead of Mary, it's George It's about me a misfit runaway who gets into all kinds of trouble and bizarre experiences. I need to write this book it's in my head now I know from back to front and know the ending and all its content. But why is it so crucifying to do? I think of it as having to split my soul in half, on one hand, I love me on the other I loathe me. Augh! In the begging and this is a true story I was working as a plumbers helper living in an abandoned brothel in East Missoula Montana later that very same year or close to it I am reaching for a dollar on the ground but it attached to a fishing line that a couple of kids are using to trick someone I am reaching out for the bill on the ground I am standing on the Beach at Cote d'Azur France later I am to sell ice cream and donuts on the largest nude beach in the world. And that's just the beginning of my culturally infused life filled with odd jobs and confusion and happiness to. The happiness is more often found in the absence of pain and confusion not because he ( me ) has any real reason to be happy. Because this is the story of a fool. But one who knows that life is but a misdemeanor a joke. Always going home greasy and bleeding and broke and always ending up with the fat girl or fag. But still standing proud because those he knew took themselves too seriously had died. Love it or hate it. It is what it is and it's real I know because I was there it was me. I think I need to tell this story. What do you think? Your opinion means a lot to me. I trust in your discretion. Write this down well it's November 1 it's time to write my 172 days novel this morning I hadn't realized that it was November 1 and so I wasn't sure if I could get around to doing this today but I told myself that I was gonna do this or by crook the matter what, write this stuff down and make sure that someone somewhere here's the story question is I'm not really sure if this is some sort of confession or this is some sort of a testament to a great life or a horror story or what but a journey it should be because there's been a lot of different places that I've been and finally I really hope that this doesn't scare the she had a me and then I quit doing it because it does and I'm terrified to do this novel because I'm not really quite sure if anybody will understand what I'm saying or if what I'm saying is worthy of someone reading I'm not not sure I have no other life but my own to compare with and yes this is going to be about me so here we go I thought in the beginning that the story was gonna start with me selling ice cream and donuts on the French Riviera but really the story starts out much earlier in life and I'm not really quite sure when this started but I can remember one day hanging out with my buddies and walking across huge bins of broken glass fully knowing that my mom had forbidden us to play around in these giant bins of assorted glassware we would take a token where we would take bottles and recycle them it was near the railroad tracks and we are to stay out of their but there we were playing around and then soon we would try to make our way across town in the most difficult way jumping over things in climbing up walls and in one wall had a ledge that we would walk across in the ledge would go more and more narrow and I would try to get as far as I could while I was the one that could go the farthest I could I could get all the way out there and cling on with my hands and toes even though we were only a few feet off the ground and wouldn't get her if we fell it was sure great challenge for us to do this I don't know if that's the reason why I ended up hiking so much or that I really loved climbing mountains I have no idea but it was interacting with something that made it challenging and so I moved on from there for starters I thought first this was going to be well I really think that I was get a base the book on me talking to either my friend Dave Hauser or Dave Ben K David Ben K is a friend of mine that I met in China he was the father of my my also my friend Ben who was my interpreter that I hired in Hong Kong but we will talk about how I I got there in a while from now right now I have to at least write a few pages in this novel today I I mold the lawn today was a nice first nice day that we've had in a while and it wasn't rainy or cold it was nice and sunny so I I blew all the leaves off the lawn and I did some mowing I got to the gym and it was a good day I bought some groceries I cleaned up around the house this is going to be a really long winter I don't know if I can stay here it's awfully dark at night and I'm not really quite sure what I'm doing here I don't really have all that many sources of heat of a kerosene heater in a bunch of kerosene out there so I should be good for a while I have a wood-burning stove and I should I should I have there's lots of wood outside so I should be all right for break already I'm sorry I have to go I'm spelling and edit this part for sure one things for sure is a way to many think this can be to write well this is day two so it's November 1 second know it's November 2 and I'm using Dragon I'm not typing right now I woke up I said my prayers I said prayers this today I held a bit a grass left so I took it and then I went to my friends house and installed all his window shutters and he gave me hundred bucks a couple Bob's and I went in purchased a snowblower and some there called gather their car jacks to jack up your car with so I can work on him the underside of my car and I'm supposed to write a bunch of stuff down right now and not really quite sure what to say I'd like to talk about what happened in France and how all that stuff happened and really quite sure but it seemed to just start to snowball at that one beach it's amazing how many different things that happened since then but growing up a corporate brat was was not my idea and going to four different high schools wasn't my idea I thought I was can be is just a small town hick or are just you know just some guy that went to work and came back not this world traveler guy that was not the idea certainly didn't know that when I was in buckaroos or for that matter when I was in the Boy Scouts I was actually in Boy Scouts for little while I had braces when I was little kid didn't wear my retainer as long as I should have and still have one crooked tooth so anyway, to sign off for now I don't feel very inspired work and have to work on this little bit by little bit I'm not quite sure what's going on with me there is too much going on I how did I get to Paris or Zürich how did I end up on the Riviera or going to surfers Paradise Australian living Manor how I made it from one place to another is beyond me certainly starved plenty of times been cut bruised ripped off shot at beaten up and left abandoned plenty of times in my life I've made friends and lofts friends I've been on castles been on yachts and had fantastic friends and some real bad friends I probably have a kid out there somewhere I have no idea sometimes I went out with a girl and I didn't know if I'd ever see again a lot of times I never saw her again I'm single now and I'm not Haydn so if I have kids apply for the family by now perhaps if this turns out to be a sellable book or something like that the kids will find me that's fine by me on but anyway yeah I am have to sign off for now
okay it's now day three of 172 days and yes it does feel like I have decided to start off my arm just like in the movie hundred and 72 hours the guy frees himself by cutting his arm off and therefore saving himself from being trapped in the canyon I'm comparing that to writing this book about my life because on one hand my life is extraordinary and exciting and on the other it's horrifying and very sad confusing however I am determined to write about so my day this morning consists of prayer you know I consider myself really religious but you can use what in life has worked for you and don't care who you are aware from and I was listening to the song save prayer for the morning after him by grantor and I think this is kind of funny in that he's speaking of something else but what mock what I'm saying is that I find them more useful in the morning and more effective to help you throughout your day why save them at the end of the day you're going to bed you know people say prayers before they go in the boxing ring or before the go to church or wherever to do this before they do something dangerous in life is dangerous so why not do them in them in the morning it makes sense to me and that's the reason why do that on but anyway I spent the day on the phone and I talked to the healthcare they are charging now $65 for what I thought was a free physical and now I see this $65 fee and I'm like the physical because of supposedly it was free of charge to pay for me and so that was upsetting but I off I also am having to deal with the patent switch program that the Internet company on charging me in an enormous sum of money for TV which I find all sales and propaganda about you I don't like the crap on TV anymore and watch it but they they charge me an arm and leg no pun intended it's difficult in so many different ways to talk about this are to write this down because I still don't know what to do in this world find my way find it safe to be here where I am in so many different ways I find it unsafe and it's not very free and all I do feel free whencesoever feel very much under pressure it seems like no matter what I've been doing this battle my life not really quite sure what to say I'm going to have to sign off again I'm not able to get past certain things what is blocking me right now is frustration I have having to explain every moment of my life but I will try to in this hundred and 72 days I don't it's hundred and 70 today 172 days so this is day three and struggling to find words to continue this fate of mine sure I'm going so just for now sign off
This is the fourth day of the book and still I have no energy to do this I am failing to do it but earlier today I had a great inspiration and I hope it continues testing testing hello okay well is day five now and I'm a little more psyched to get some things done but I don't really have much time if I want to get outside and have to do it now and it's sunny so I need to try to get the sun while I can, unfortunately, the right way software is not allowing me to copy and paste this text from notepad which I need to get done anyway I will try to use Dragon on right way software and see if that works for now I've got to go and try to get some exercise outside while I can while the sons out so I sign out for now
typing day five and six I guess but I am sure going to give it one hell of a try. Biked 32 miles from Egg Harbor to Sturgeon Bay and it was grueling. Managed to get a hat tube at the gym then went to work even though I thought we weren't working. anyway, I made good tips and am thrust for more work but off to bed now I'll try not to stay up too late.
11 seven 2016 7:10 AM
I remember driving down the road just outside Jackson Hole Wyoming and thinking how this road will never end or that the road I was on isn't going to be going anywhere soon the road seemed to go on forever. Feel the time slip away from me and not the time I need to come up with a solution to the problem and then on and on it went from there forever but only just for a brief time I remember that things are not as they seem what happens now. Writing things down seems to be the thing to do although scary because I don't know what things I'll remember and wish I hadn't. Lots of bad things had happened and I can't for the life of me figure out why I could get things done. why I write I don't know.
It's like you have to say goodbye to a nasty friend or something you go there with his help and show them what you've got you don't know where to twang up or twang down you don't know whether to use sunlit yellow or burnt umber you 've got no interest in proving yourself to god because you don't know him or all right you do but you can't talk to him I mean physically he's not there in the flesh in blood right in front of you no only people can do that and besides God seems to love you no matter which color you use no matter which character you use you take your art out there to the people because it's them that make the difference it's them that make you feel that satisfaction that satisfaction you can't get anywhere else. but that is what it is for now. You know that you gonna try and be a success but now you don't know who or for why.
Then the real question you need to ask is who and for what purpose is it that you need to prove your devotion and your love because it's that which makes you and without that life just isn't worth getting out of bed for. So it doesn't work out and you didn't get out of bed and so that's a metaphor and you do get out but you don't go out you don't engage you stay disengaged because you feel so guilty for not having been the great success that you thought it you could be and feel so guilty about you were as if you were this giant lion that got hit by a rhino and your leg is just hanging on by a thread. Your busted and broken and hurting and you go through life like a mechanical bull or no like R2D2 you just there to sever as a servent. There's nothing left in you so you just go through the motion of being alive.
But no wait there's more. Thought's of giving up passes through your brain like some sort of ghost ship that. Maybe I could have been an actor or a writer? maybe I could have been a banker or some on who has special cells that people have to have at some point in time like a surgeon or a lawyer or maybe a dentist. But could we morph into whomever we wanted what if we were just figments of someones imagination or what if it were really true what they say about time travel or reincarnation what then do you do how do you coup with you waking life if you know that you have to do it all over again and with just a little less than you had yesterday because you know past that age where things are at there best or are they or is it ? Why-why-why you ask and then think think think and pray to whomever you know is out there you know that something is on the other side of this curtain you know it because you can feel it and you can see with your mind's eye some times you can smell it or even taste it.
In my second year of High School, I went to a school called Howie in the Hills and it was located in the middle of the orange groves of Florida and it was packed with rich kids on the other side of the planet. Sure I got along with most kids and even had a girlfriend but also was a member of a crew of eight that rowed on the river in an eight-man shell and we row along the river early in the morning all along the orange grove. It was amazing what I didn't know was that it was going to ruin my rowing machine work out at the gym up in Wisconsin decades later. It just seems so boring to sit inside with no one and simulate it with a machine. Well anyway, I've got get more than what I had originally thought on paper but it's inside other folders.
I've found a new way to type so that I am typing more comfortable and not a voice recording. I'm whatching naked and afraid and laughing seeing how they are so lame. The time they have to do and the fact that they know this is going to come to an end eventually. But I think it's harder to go somewhere where you aren't a citizen and are broke and have no shelter anyway it's like I dunno. I can remember the time I took a ride from a guy in France and he took me from on end of town to the other and even gave me a few bucks. It was 1980 and had I stayed home I'd be making bank money as a waiter and could have afforded to fly over to this place and stayed much better off. But I was only eighteen and so didn't know anything. I can remember my first spot on the beach it's self a guy in town that was going to get me the donuts told me that it was ok to camp there so I did. It was right behind a crepe to stand it was a mobile crepe van and the guy who was running it had the entire year's salary stolen from him. It was some that he had saved up for a long long time. When I left Staten Island A: There was a mandatory evacuation in effect do the hurricane coming . B. there was an Earthquake just the week before. C: I had the funds I won from the rear end case. But mostly I thought it was a chance to go and recover. Build up my dwindling muscles. For the last three years, my muscles were slowly growing smaller and smaller every morning I could see the slightest fraction growing small and small like out of Steven Kings Thinner novel which I had read. Not only that I had watched my own broth lose the ability to use his arms and legs and had spent months helping him feeding him through a too in his stomach, brushing his teeth, when it came time to wash him I would get help from someone from Hospice. But all in all that was the scariest part of the whole thing.
So I went skiing. Or so I thought. Really I was barely able to do but four or five runs and really was standing and going down the hill as easy as I could. I hadn't felt like I was getting better. What I didn't know then and took way too long to find out was that I still had a lot of mercury in my mouth hidden inside my double failed root canal and it had turned out to be septic as well. So I was walking around like this for eons and no doctor was able to put that together, What makes this an uprise is that if dentist and doctors will at times see if you have receding gums that you are unhealthy and that gum disease will affect your health in a big way. But no not an untested highly toxic mix of metals plopped in your mouth to chew on for decades is perfectly ok. What a farce. And what hurts the most is that I sensed it. When I was brushing his teeth with that vibrting toothbrush I could sense that there was soemthing wrong. breushing all that metal?
I had taken Geology I collage a knew that some rocks will give off a gas when rubbed that's how you get fussers and noxious gasses like radon and so. Plus seeing out it's mixed with other types of juices and other acids how could that be good for digestion? Not to mention your gums. Anyway, once I found out that there was mercury in those fillings my mouth hung open in like that of the silent scream. My mind raced that moment of hesitation while I paused and thought just for one moment that there may be or could be that my brother's health had something to do with all that metal in there. What I couldn't believe at the time is that I could write. Surely I must be wrong and so I shrugged it off at the time.
Well I thought I had more explaining to do this but I guess not I can't spell and that's very frustrating I am trying my hardest to become a valuable person and it's not working I don't know what to do or who I'm supposed to be I damn near died so many times I can't think of any more ways I can go on . I just try to make the day positive and do something to help people.
When I was 19 my parents flew me to New York City to meet them there I was in Florida at the time. We stayed at a place called the Todor and I remember playing the song Tom Petty, Refugee at the bar where we had a drink. I was just eighteen and turning nineteen and could drink legally but shouldn't have. I was too immature to do so. That night I dressed in a pinstripe shirt with a vest and pleated paints and Florshmens shoes and a Panama hat. with suspenders. What a joke. Anyway, they had a big argument and I called them gross for making such a big fuse and arguing I didn't really mean that I just didn't know how to get them to stop arguing. Later that night we went out and had dinner it wasn't very late only about three in the afternoon but we went to a place that had a live band and after dinner, I dance with my hat on and did a little show for the people because I used to dance and dated a modern dance instructor. After dancing for some time a person came to me and asked if I was hired by the management and I said no but said to wait for a friend of his to come over and see me dance. I didn't put two and two together and thought that they we just trying to seduce me into something sinister so I left. Now year and years later, of course, I see that I was about to be discovered and I walked away. But then found that I had had this happen to me several times in my life and blew every single one of them. Like a damn fool, I walked away and always thought I'd be alright and then I wasn't all right. One time when I was driving from surfers paradise to Sydney Picked up a guy on the side of the road I don't even know if he was hitchhiking but this man looked really strange the closest thing to a hobbit you could imagine when I dropped him off I bought him a cup of tea and he told me that I didn't really need to do that but what more is that he didn't really speak a language I had ever heard of but he got is point across. Sometimes I can't understand Aussie but it's too far out I have a hard time describing the details here
Part tow of first story number one Hello well I guess the story started a long time ago when I was 18 my father had purchased a boat in New York I come back of from Montana. I graduated from high school in 1979 and Gibraltar. I in Fish Creek, Wisconsin. After that I went to Montana to do a wilderness feasibility study with my friend Dave Houser went back home after the feasibility study was finished and I stayed out last I get a job as a plumber's assistant and was able to make ends meet and I rented a room and a tiny place that used to be like a whore house in East Missoula, Montana at one time I thought the place was haunted. Or maybe it was haunted it had a red carpet and staying pretty bad sometimes I have woke up one night in the Millon night because of something. It tugged at the sheets at the bottom my bad. It tugged pretty hard so I thought there must be some reason for it and it must be like a raccoon or something they can in there but It had shaken me up so much that I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. Anyway, I lived there for quite some time and I worked there is a dishwasher at the red lion Inn in Montana. I eventually bought my first car there. It was a blue Pontiac. I believe it was a Pontiac Malibu now is if it was a well anyway eight drank like a quarter oil a week, but the interior was perfect and it was really big. The radio works really well. I hung out with these guys that were like religious fanatics and they sold Kirby vacuums and eventually I was able to self of vacuums to but never I never actually sold one vacuum but I had learned how to spell vacuums him. I'm not really quite sure when it happened because it was such a long time ago, but I ended up going back home to see my father. He had rented a large house in upper state New York. He had purchased a boat and we got on this boat and sailed it from New York to Florida on the way down I met a girl in Daytona Beach. Her name was Lorna Johnson and I thought I was in love with her. She was so hot. She was tall and strong and very sexy. I wrote to her every day for months and then eventually I decided to go and visit her in England. She was from England so I will. I eventually went to nine hours 19 and I got a job working in at a nightclub picking up glasses and I also got a job in a clothing store, selling close and suits as well. Well anyway something happening she got a job promotion and our relationship was strained, so Morocco and went to back up to France and I had learned that you could get work in the ski resorts up in the hills if I went towards Germany. So that's what I did I didn't have much money left by the time I got to Germany I was getting very thin and there wasn't very much rice left in the bottom of my bag. I remember once I get into Germany. I cross the border that was very difficult for me I somebody gave me a ride and I cross the border and I got to the other side and they weren't there to pick me up. I made a mistake. I went the wrong way. So I was in Germany on my own. I went from door to door and said Hast du Arbeit in which means, do you have work. And so I was in the hills. I can remember. It was very cold. I had jumped up to try to grab an apple from a tree and was able to get the Apple and the lady came out of the house and she yelled at me for stealing the fruit from her tree which was right on the sidewalk so I didn't understand why she was so upset because the tree was right there. I remember that night is very cool but not too cold. Before the night fell I was camped out among the trees and the strange thing had happened and these trees seem to have been there been like talking to me and never tried like trying to console me and I have never forgotten those trees even to this day and have thought about the trees. Many times if not on a weekly basis these trees it told me that I had a long ways to go that I wasn't about to die and I was going to BRI and after that night. The next day I found a job and a place to live and a daybook. They gave me a steak dinner and some beers and had a really good time as very happy to have found work in Germany and a beautiful hotel called the hotel the room on the romantic hotel I spilled bag in Freiburg, Germany right now I'm looking at the monitor. I see that there's been a problem with the recording of my voice and that is some things just get to this sentence so I don't know if it is it's all broken up in the stories been fragmented so I'll just keep talking in and see if the words if they can pick up later. I can put the pieces together. So anyway I worked at the hotel spilled bake for about six months and the had offered me a green card and that I was going to take a green card and they were going to give me a job and nine but I found out that night my brothers and sisters they had purchased a restaurant and in New Jersey and then asked me to come back at so I came back in but later, I found that it was a big mistake and that my brothers and sisters they would fight to end things began to get bad again in the family at the rest the country in it was a biker bar and who we told the bikers. They couldn't show up with their motorcycles. I think in the end that was a big mistake because nowadays of people with motorcycles are very generous and have lots of money but S-11 long time ago and things were different, but anyway I put a lot of work into that restaurant and was sand in the floors and painted the that building in and worked on it a great deal with was not much that I did not receive very much money in the end for working so hard at this place. We did a terrible thing. I wish you the kitchen. We put in the basement which was I think from beginning it. I thought that was a big mistake and it turned out to be a big mistake. We had to climb the stairs to bring the food up and they really didn't work out and eventually, we needed a new septic system and installed the the the country and I had decided to move out West and move back out West to and I forget where I went now trying. Remember what happened after that. I think maybe for noun I should sign off and then I'll pick up the story later on, but some things happen with the writing and now when I speak it and jumped back into a sentence somewhere so it doesn't seem to make any sense and I don't understand why it doesn't discontinue right after where I left off. I didn't tell it to go back so I'm not quite understanding how this was supposed to work anyway England for the South of France. I was told that you could find work in the South of France working on the beaches and so I did. I will eventually make it to Paris and I hitched. Take all the way down to the Côte d'Azur to a little town called a busy a and I picked grapes there for a while and I sold ice cream and donuts on the Mediterranean. I remember I tried to get an I would get the money that people dropped from the Ferris wheel. People would lose their money coming out of their pockets while he took the Ferris wheel and I would collect that money and go by the get of Brad and try to buy some cheese and the bread was very good and I really enjoyed it. I walked along the beach with my bread and I found a place to camp. They told me there was a place to Where there were people that had a camping place that it was no longer open. So I camped there with my tenant. I had a 10 and I had a little camp stove that I could cook things with and I lived in at 10 for many months. I'll try to say more about different parts of the story so that I can find out the places that I had been to him I worked on the Riviera for the entire summer and then at the end of the summer. I decided to go to Morocco, which was a big mistake because I ended up losing some money and I couldn't trust the person that I was with I became afraid of them.
A third part of the story I was supposed to write Living in Taos was a bit hard for me. My brother was caught by the police because of the smuggling. He had to go back to New Jersey and two times in Indiana. Strangely, he got a degree in computer science at a minimum security holding house. Which is better than what I got. I worked with a couple of guys that drank a lot. And so I did to her. We worked with Adobe building this man's house. Well needless to say I forget those guys names but one of them was like this Italian to built like a brick should house and never seem to do anything but drinking get laid and then the other guy is like from well he went to school to do for psychology and got like a doctorate in psychology that really messed with his head. He was married for a while but began to drink heavily. He blames it on his studies of psychology but I think that it really just missed his wife and wish he had quit drinking to get her back. It was a really neat house and there were a lot of neat houses in the area summative cans and some were even dug out of the ground next to the stream like a cave. I once met a girl that I really like only to find out that she used me to get her boyfriend jealous. I ended up meeting her boyfriend and talking about her in hadn't known that he was her boyfriend. I felt really embarrassed I felt really violated. I thought she was for real but she was just using me one time when I was a little kid I had been invited over to a girlfriends house to stay overnight while there I found that there were like six girls that and we were all been to stay overnight in the bar and it began to rain and storm that night and I made out with one of the girls I was only like eight or nine years old and then after I made out with the one girl the other girl wanted to make out with me. So I made out with her and so they all wanted to and I ended up making out with all of them for most of them and then they all got mad at me for making out with all them. I can still remember the song in the background put your camels to bed so the lyrics went. To this day. I really hate that song and always reminds me of those girls getting really angry at me for being really nice them. It wasn't fair what they did to me. Since then I think that it put a real mistrust in women. And to this day I still have troubles sometimes when I'm caught off guard. I find that if I'm happy some girl will make me really unhappy or get me fired for cause some sort of trouble with me when all I wanted was to be happy. I don't know why they want to mess with me. One time when I was doing a banquet in Australia the man got up from the table and walked over to me and asked me if I was gay because if a man was good-looking is me, he must be gay. I looked at him and I told him that I didn't think so and the rest of them at the table laughed at the end of the summer in Taos. I'm pretty sure was 1981. I hitched I go to a place where I could get the truck from my brother while on the way out of town and Indian had given me a ride asked me if I like speed. I didn't really know what he was talking about but he handed me a pill and I took it later on. I thought that I was going to die. I thought that the Indian wanted to kill me with the pill, that he gave me why I would think it was okay to take drugs from a stranger. I don't know. I think that it was how loosely my parents kept me at bay. One time at the when I had arrived at the Newark airport. I called my mom to pick me up and she told me to ask someone for a ride. I thought that that was ridiculous that I would walk up to a stranger at an airport and asked them for a ride but I did and got a ride from a man who had offered me a job a really good job. One that I could make a lot of money from but at the time I was getting high and doing coke with Marge Harris and couldn't come home to me in and missed my opportunity for great job making a lot of money that was another great mishap to the bought a Volkswagen Sirocco with the money that I made working on my dad's house. I painted the house and re-shingled roof and turned the garage into a pool room. I painted the pool and built the deck of 1000 ft.² with a Jacuzzi in I made $2500 and spent it on buying a Volkswagen sure Rocco but when I look back at all the work I've done. It would've cost a lot more if he had hired a professional for each of the jobs that's when I began to jog around the lake as much as I could. I was 30 years old. It's hard to remember what happened after Taos, New Mexico did I go to Los Angeles first I can't remember when I worked at the Old Faithful in and then met that guy and went to Sedona. We smoked some pot and Sedona and it was really wild. I met yet another guy who was a psychology major who got me drunk and I ended up sleeping with him because I didn't have a place to sleep and didn't like a camp out anymore. I stayed with him for a few days but when his lover came back into town. He told me that I had to leave so we dropped me off at a bar I told them just give me 5 min. and I'll find someone that would give me some shelter and sure enough when I went in there I found Jenny gosh, I sure wish I hadn't. And when I decided to leave Jenny. She told me not to go. While we were living in a trailer. There was a flood in the canyon in the middle of the night. The rain had melted all the snow it wiped out a bunch of nice grass that was on the side of the stream, but it also tore out lots of trailers and twisted the I-beams like bowties and it had taken the life of one girl who had decided to go to work and try to drive across the bridge her car got swept away and then she got out of the car and she got swept away. We had to climb on top of the trailer. We were screaming for our lives. We thought we were going to die. I helped them get up on top of the trailer and now when I look back I think it's the reason why I was there. In Taos. I had met a guy named Leo Weaver and I had lots of friends that were ski instructors. We skied through the trees and I became pretty good skiing. I can remember the one guy flying out of the trees and the car will with the ski uniform on telling me that that didn't look very good for me falling down coming out of the trees with my ski jacket on I thought was pretty funny. Later on that night he invited me over. He had one of the rooms we did hashish and watched Pornos I'm pretty sure that he was expecting us to do something were to get filmed doing it one time in Los Angeles. I went to a school to look up some courses in acting while I was there I met a guy and we went out to his house, not his house. He said he had a job to do a bit some producers house. He had to go feed his dogs Häagen-Dazs ice cream while there we began to drink pretty heavily, later on, that night. I can remember being on my hands and knees with him behind me and looking at the Hollywood sign which wasn't very far away from thinking welcome to Hollywood. I'm pretty sure that we were being filmed. At that point, because there were cameras all over the house and lots of screens everywhere. I'm pretty sure that I was set up at wasn't the first nor was it the last one time when hours with Barbra Wearing in Chicago. I was with two girls and they both wanted to do it with me and I wanted to do them but that never happened. I told them that I want to go out that night because I had been drinking too much the last few days then we began to drink that night we went up to the top of some building maybe it was the John Hancock and then met some guy began to talk with them and it was like I fell in love with them. He invited me over to his hotel and he began to mount me but I didn't like it and left. I felt really weird about it to because I was with my girlfriend and I was thought maybe I'd propose to get married to her when we took a riverboat. We stopped at one of the restaurants and we had a really nice rack of lamb and we had a really nice lunch when we talked. We really enjoyed each other's company. Now it reminds me of my wife and I wait dinner on the balcony of the Amera it was of low rise building in surfers Paradise. We saw the full Moon rise off the ocean six times that year. I asked my wife Caroline if I could get up pet and she said no but I could maybe get a small bird and so I didn't I got a little budgie I called him Mikey Mikey was white with a black spot just like my Black that I got when I was with penny it to was white with the black spot which seems strange because my last cat was all black and white with a white mustache. It seems strange because even when I was in Surfers Paradise one of our neighbors like me and asked me if he could lick my butt and I thought well there's no harm to it so I let them do it. But when he did it seemed like a really big tongue but I knew was in his penis. It just seemed really strange and then there was the other couple that I used to visit and they both wanted to have sex with me and that seemed really strange man. There was a guy who lives down the block who was in love with me and he wanted to move away with me and go to Perth and I was really seriously thinking about it because my relationship with Caroline wasn't going very well and I thought maybe I should just be gay. That reminds me of a time when and I met a guy in West Palm Beach and he took me to his apartment. He showed me these videos. That was a man drinking tennis from three other guys and getting beaten and then getting sodomized by a giant dildo that was turning it was the craziest thing that I've ever seen. It was kinda horrified. I've never seen such perversion and wish the guy hadn't shown me those videos. He knew that I'd never seen anything like that and I've never seen anything like that since I wish I'd never seen anything like that ever. I don't think it was necessary for me to see that in my lifetime. It seems so strange to me that there were so many guys that came on to me, even while I was trying to have a relationship with a girl. I just didn't understand why everyone thought I was gay and then when I tried to be gay. It didn't work out for me. I remember visiting my sister before I went to Australia when I was looking out the window of Penny Allen's trailer I saw a girl that I fell in love with. I was so in love with her and well I had just gotten out of jail and they had impounded my truck because they had suspected me of drug dealing because everyone at the restaurant where I worked was in the cocaine but I wasn't at the time I was only smoking pot. I didn't know where there was any coke. I spent darn near among thin man and they let me out cruel and unusual what I didn't know was that I could have sued them for lots of money and there was a law that said he would. He would be my representative and then I had an easy case I didn't understand him. I didn't understand that it could be worth a lot of money to me. He didn't tell me that I could win a lot of money. Why didn't say that that I would've done it because they didn't have any evidence on me? I wasn't guilty of trafficking or anything like that I was completely innocent. My friend was a black guy who drove a Cadillac and had a white girlfriend that would pretty much do anything for him. He told me that he had heard trained to do anything sexually at any time he wanted it was a little weird for me that was the time that I dated the mayor of I can remember when I bought the Volkswagen fastback in 1969 Volkswagen fastback that I bought from Rolf a roommate from Russia. Ralph Adam body like a bodybuilder model and when he took off his shirt girls would just stop and drool. Ralph at one time was a guard for the Berlin wall. He worked as a bouncer at nightclubs in Surfers Paradise and he also did massages for girls and probably other things he told me that he had a son somewhere and then he was taking care of business and making money. He liked me but he didn't want to take advantage of me wasn't gay, but he was trying to help me because I was trying to make money a senior people that were trying to take advantage of me. Even my wife because she was too old for me and she knew that she was not going to have any more children. I was always going out with the wrong girl or the wrong guy the situation was always wrong even while I was getting the Volkswagen engine overhaul. I walked to the park and some kid approached me he was getting give me money if you let me pull me in a tent that he had set up in the park and you know what I said okay, but he never did that was really bizarre. I don't know why. I would say okay I guess I really needed the money. That's away surfer paradise wise it was filled with drugs, sex, booze, drugs, and some surfing I can remember one time I had numbness in twitches or some tingling sensation in my hands no not or used to have in the recent past. Anyway, my doctor said I might have MS, but I knew it was because I bow my head in the sand anyway not twitches like I have now. I met a girl at the shopping mall whose job was to take care of the plants in the mall. I met her after work and we went out for a couple of beers. She brought me home to her house and we had sex. She had the most awesome body and the sex was incredible. It was probably the best text I had ever had and wish that I could see her again but didn't I really enjoyed kissing her I kissed her a lot. She had a strange tattoo on her but it was pretty and I usually don't like tattoos but that reminds me of a time I met a girl in Taos we went to her house and she had a place she had this big Harley Davidson. She had a tattoo than in the middle of the night. She had this recording of this down that made it sound like her husband was home but I found out that it was just a recording to get the guy out of the house and neck I was me. So I left. She had a pretty nice Harley and I wish I had one just like it is sex with her was pretty good too for all I know. I probably have a couple kids out there. I really wish I knew them. One time when I was 10, Las Vegas when I arrived in Las Vegas. I was penniless and played my food on the street for a few dollars then I was able to gamble with the dollars and double my money with that money. I was able to get a hotel room where I was at the hotel room. I met the made was taking care of the rooms. I ended up going out with their but we're sitting in the truck. I told her that the two of us would probably make a good-looking kid and I think that she had decided to go off her birth control pills, and she got pregnant when she got pregnant. I told my dad and he sent me $300 so that we could get an abortion but I don't think that she got an abortion. I think that she just went in there and then The money so that she could pay rent because I was staying with her for free-make very much money working at McDonald's flipping burgers. I don't know why I was flipping burgers at McDonald's in Las Vegas because I could have gotten a better job I wasn't the kind of person with very high self-esteem. I think it's because of the amalgam poisoning but maybe it's was because my parents were overly gregarious and very forward people. I didn't want to be so aggressive. I wanted to be kind of a softer person and then I just turned into a doormat and yes the world rolled me but I traveled the world and I had amazing life things that happened to me. People wish it happened to them when I was young it seemed like everybody wanted to have sex with me and I wasn't ready then I got old so fast and then no one seems to want to nor do I it's really hard to stay awake now I'm trying to write this. I can hardly stay awake my dreams of the past are is strange as my imagination is, in reality, I'm trying to make this is accurate as I can but it's not easy. I can't remember where I was when the time when I was in Australia the time that I was in awe, Los Angeles I was in Los Angeles in the 1984 Olympics. I know that part I was in Taos, New Mexico and this DCC and 8182 or 8081 but what was the summer that I worked at the Old Faithful in and Yellowstone National Park was that 1984 1985. I graduated from high school in 1979 and after that I went to Montana to do a wilderness feasibility study and got a job as a plumber's helper and then it dishwasher and had that little tiny apartment at a place that used to be a whore house and I had that really weird experience in the middle of the night. That was like a ghost that tugged on the sheets and it made me really freaked out I had a really nice little stereo system but I wanted to get some grass and ended up meeting this guy that wanted to blow me and he ended up taking my fly fishing rod for chunk of hashish and I wish I hadn't done that I should've kept my fly fishing rod and I shouldn't have let him blow me. He was like just an old pedophile like some of the other old men that I've met. I guess I'll at least I could say that it wasn't my pasture. That reminds me of a time when I was at a bar in Riviera Beach, no not Riviera Beach well it was a long nap place. Anyway, there was a guy ants I inside their that said he was a cop and he used to arrest kids for drunk driving but now he could be in a cop and picked kids up and brought him home to give him blow jobs and he told me that because she wanted to do that to me. I thought that was really weird a cop wanted to blow me. I mean, how weird is that I guess it could be a turn on for some kids. Ha ha when I was young I can remember somebody saying orgy Georgy and I don't know why because I never had an orgy it was because all those girls that out. I cast and they gave me a hard time about it but nothing ever happened. Shoot I was barely a teenager I didn't have sex until I was 16 and then it was with this girl that was fat and ugly and she had probably a couple of guys before me. Apparently she was leading everyone to wear I was in Utah. I never met the girl I didn't know the girl and never matter again afterwords I was just told that I could go in there and have sex with her and so I did and I wish I had because from my first experience it was pretty ugly. She wasn't very pretty person am pretty sure she was covered in come I was at that school called Wasatch Academy it was in Mount Pleasant, the math teacher got fired and so they hired the gym instructor to teach math, but it turned out that my roommate was smarter than him and could figure out the equations faster which really paste them off one time and through the chalk across the room and walked out the door, but he did come back and he finished teaching the course. There were a lot of fights at that school and the two guys fought I thought they were going to kill each other. One time when I went out to get a glass of water. The coach told me not to go out of my room and when I went out of my room to get a glass of water he threw a baseball at me and hit me in the lake it really hurt and I and think it was right for him natural baseball at me just because I was going for a glass of water I got expelled from that school. I'm pretty for sure for drinking, but I don't see how we got all that beer. I think we were stealing it or something. Why were we doing other things? Why weren't the staff involved with the kids were allowed to smoke. Heck, we were only teenagers why were we allowed to smoke. But that's the way things were back then. Certainly, nowadays it would never happen. We had great dorm parents at was that you can me they were Mormons and they were really nice and made us laugh. We knew that they smoked pot and could sometimes smelly in their apartment. That's the school where we had the ski vacation around Christmas time there was a three-week ski vacation that was included in the year and while there one time in a room where we were smoking pot. One of the girls tried pot for the first time and freaked out and called the police and that was the end of our trip. Our trip was only halfway through and it ended because of the one girl smoked pot. I was really angry about that. But what could you do that was the end of our ski trip that was the same girl that like to play striptease while we were watching TV. She was too and she wanted attention so she would pretend to take off her close. Oh yeah and then there was that guy that wanted to suck everybody's dick it was weird. He went around telling everyone that he wanted to do it. I couldn't believe it. I think at one point in time I went in there to see if he would do it to me. I was only a little kid what did I know I hadn't had any sexual experiences and it seemed like everybody else did. So I wanted to have some sort of sexual experience. I forget the girl's name, but my mom hired some girl mom had claimed that the girl was
And then another mix of notes I hadn't taken one pill in three days but I couldn't handle it anymore so I took two more. I remember living in Montana after graduating from high school in 79. then went to new york to see my dad then went on the boat delivery to Florida.where I met Lorna in Daytona beach. Then went to England then France then Spain and morocco the back then to Germany then to England then to New Jersy. then to Texas then to New Mexico then to Los Angeles then to New Jersy then to Wyoming then to Sedona then to Australia then back to New Jersey. Then to Florida then to France then to Wisconsin then back to France then back to Colorado then back to Wisconsin then back to Florida. Gosh. WTF. Hoya and in between Nepal, and China Beijing Chang hi and Hong Kong. from selling ice cream and donuts on the Rivera to and
Then still more notes on the book I was supposed to write When I left England I had very little money I decided to hitchhike across Europe and I was looking for work. I was able to get a ride to London and took a boat to France then a train to Paris on this train. I was very hungry and the only thing that I could afford was a small pizza and but on this pizza I had not recognized the topping it had turned out to be anchovies. I didn't really like anchovies, but because I was so hungry I ate the pizza anyway to this day. I now love anchovies I my pizza and when I arrived in Paris I did not stay long. I found out that there was were on the beaches in southern France. So I decided to hitch I towards those beaches and see if I could find work and sure enough, I did I got a job selling ice cream and donuts and Masiello plage and just outside of busy a scratch and the name of the town and was not busy and scratch the name of the town was in Ethier but my Dragon is not understanding the French language I'm using Dragon to write this and not all of it is going to be correct. It has to be corrected later. Well, selling ice cream and donuts I lived in and Partin that and was free camping or they allowed me to camp there. Well I sold donuts and ice cream for a while. I had very little money and had gone to a local circus to pick up the coins that people would drop from the Ferris wheel I had collected enough money for cheese and bread and was very happy to have bread and cheese on the French Riviera. I felt like a king. This is where my life really started to take off I sold ice cream and donuts in three different languages German, Italian, French and English I could recite the words that I spoke now but Dragon will pick them up and. After the season ended with ice cream and donuts on the Riviera I again was looking for work, but had decided to take a small trip to Morocco and Morocco was kind of a scary place for me and and so I had only stayed for a few days. I heard stories about people disappearing and I was very young and I was by myself and some people told me that my friend would taken me to Morocco was not planning things for my goodwill but and other things that in I was afraid of and add so I became afraid of my friend and ran away back to France I still had enough money to take a train a boat from Morocco and then a train up to France on this train ride and we had a great time. One person had a bottle of rum another person had a chunk of hashish and another person had a guitar and we all had a little food in the six of us stayed in this train for six days. I can remember sleeping on the floor with this girl and and we just all night long on the floor this train it was a great time for me. We didn't do anything but yes but it was a lot of fun and even though we were underneath all these people their legs going across above us. She was from England and had spent a lot of time by herself and Morocco. After this six days. We all departed and I never seen any of them ever since but we had a great time and we had The door closed so that no one else could get in and we stayed there for six days and had a great time. Well we made our way across Spain it was a long train ride and but I love that train ride and it was good to meet the girl that I made out with. Once I arrived in France I was still hitchhiking and trying to find work in the ski resorts and and someone said you must go to Germany on my way there I got a ride and a very fast car and went on the autobahn. We when faster than I've ever been in a car ever. It was a fantastic experience but when we're finished and it got cold and and I didn't have much money once I was into Freiburg I managed to get across the border border into Germany I learned is three words Hoffman Z Arbeit the meaning to the words word do you have work I didn't find anybody that day and and made my way across town during which I saw on Appletree I jumped up and grabbed an Apple not but a moment later, a woman came running out of the house to yell at me for stealing an Apple offered tree I had apologized and she let me go. That night I had find myself camped out in among some trees in the woods. I had some rice and an Apple and really nothing else I was getting very thin I was very we can but not in two-week during that day I had a very strange experience that I will never forget and and have never forgotten and have talked about many times in my life because the experience was to me. So really I don't believe that it was because I was hungry. I don't believe that it was because there was something wrong with me. I believe that it was a religious experience. If you could say that what had happened was that I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and thinking how can I get through. How can I make it and all of a sudden it was as if the trees around me were said speaking to me and amongst themselves. They said to me that I was going to BRI that they had and lots of plans for me and then I will go many places and do many things and I'm not to worry about dying to nine and in fact they humored me and told me many stories that I cannot remember but I remember laughing for very long time because the and they had said something funny or that they were trying to make me happy. I don't know. They seemed like old wise men they talk among each other and said things I don't understand the had assured me that my life would be long and rich and full of wonderful things and I am not to worry about and dying that night. The next day. Sure enough I was hitchhiking up the road and a man picked me up and gave me a ride to his friend as it turns out his friend owned a be hotel and I could work there and stay there that night. They gave me a big steak dinner and lots of beers and a place to sleep and blankets and they're very nice to me and I maybe eight drank too much beer but I can never forget how much fun it was for those people and to be so nice to me. I got a job working and learned lots of things about cooking. We had a lot of fun and and I stayed there for six or seven months. During this time I was able to take a bike ride and threw the black forests and I hiked a lot to but the bike ride was amazing. I couldn't believe what I was able to go way up. On top of the sales I could look across and run down the mountain in. I remember listening to the one song that came out by the talking heads this song said you may find yourself in another part of the world and sure enough I found myself in another part of the world. I still am not sure about what was said in this song but I can relate to what it meant when they said letting the water. Brush over my head when the money's gone these things have happened to me several times in my life but I think the trick is now for me to collect this information and put it to use possibly for other people to understand how life is or a life could be so after Germany I had found out that my father had purchased a hotel in New Jersey and so I decided to go home and work at the hotel and I did so before I went home, I revisited my friend Lorna Johnson in England. She was glad to see me but could not understand my presence there as she had moved on to see other people and even other people could not understand why I was there but I had said hello and I said goodbye and moved back to New Jersey with my family. We had changed in a biker bar into a ladies brunch and it was very successful for many years. I had decided to move out West because the restaurant and was really only a summertime restaurant and during the winter months. It was very quiet and so I wanted to go to the hills where I felt more comfortable but then I found that my mom was living alone in Florida and so I went to live with my mom for a little while. I got a job at a nightclub and I also got a job at the breakers as a waiter. I went to school at a local community college. I took courses in art and theology I can remember meeting a girl who would always frown when she was in class and I said to myself I must try to make this person happy. I began to date her, but she was young. So I waited a year or so and then we went out and we were a couple for many years. Her name was Tracy when Felder she herself was orphaned and adopted, but then later, her parents have a boy. She was upset at home and we went out and when I brought her home. She was afraid she would never see me again. So I kept seeing her one time there was an opportunity for us to spend the night in an empty apartment and West Palm Beach. It was a very beautiful place and we had a wonderful, intimate time together there I will never forget her. We went to many places my brother flew us in his plane over the Tappan Zee bridge. I took her to the Bahamas. I lived on my father's boat and we had a wonderful time. I'm not really quite sure why I did not marry that girl she would go crazy with just a couple of drinks sometimes filing sometimes she get angry and throw things. One time she picked up the cat bowl and Truitt and hit me right in of phase may a big market my four head. One time I found out and that she was going out with my roommate that she got all upset because I did not get all upset and I should've become more upset and she was very angry with me. I told her not to move in with me but she did. Anyway, I couldn't stop her from moving in with me. I had some friends I have some bad friends. One friend had stolen my truck from me. I had tried to go back to college I went to St. Leo collards gave my truck back and stopped dating Tracy when Felder I had some trouble with depression and started to take a drug called Prozac. This drug Prozac and had some very bad side effects with me and I can remember I was going to put my hand in a blender and try to hurt myself. I stopped taking Prozac and gave the rest of the Prozac and to the college nurse who is trying to lose weight. I went to St. Leo. For couple of years but was not successful in achieving good grades and I was trying to take a marketing course but got all upset because the instructor was very cruel. I did take accounting and was attracted by the teacher. She was very nice to me and I think that she tried to seduce me once I did get a fairly good grade in accounting and can be good with books given the opportunity I should've taken a hotel and restaurant management course because it was offered. There but I didn't take that course because I didn't want to be in the restaurant industry anymore. It was to there was too much anger with the employees and I didn't like that one time while at St. Leo I met some bad people who had guns. I was afraid of them and one time got into a fight with one of them. This man had been me on the chest and almost tore a piece of flesh off of my body. I had told people about it but nobody did anything. I was very distraught about that experience. I believe that these people were possibly burglars of some sort possibly even bank robbers. I don't know. I never met them again at St. Leo I did go on a five day fast and was able to refrain from eating for five days. I only drank water when I broke the fast I had pizza and it was great beaches my favorite food, but I know that it's not good for me. Well at St. Leo I was jogging I've been jogging my whole life. I like to jot down the road and sometimes for miles in almost any direction. When suffering from depression once at night I can remember running down the road at nighttime. I stopped and I turned around and I said do it. You cannot have me. I am not going to been be depressed anymore ever since that night. I haven't suffered from depression anymore. I don't know why but and for some reason, it seems as though I was capable of turning on my fear in facing this thing that was making me depressed. So I told it to go away and it did and never bothered me again after going to St. Leo I think that this is when I moved out West again. I think that this is the time when I went to work at the Yellowstone National Park at the Old Faithful in I worked as a waiter it was hard to work there and even if you are only late a minute or two. They would put this on your record and if you were late three times you would be fired and we all got fired afterwords. I took my truck and drove to I camped out in Sedona for many weeks I had met some people and I eventually found a woman that let me stay with her while I looked for work. Finally, I got some work in a restaurant I worked there for a very long time. The things that happened to me in Sedona were good and bad and very, very strange. One of them was that we were stuck in natural disaster the Oak Creek Canyon was flooded and we were in any trailer and we had to crawl out of the trailer and get on top of the trailer in case the water came up in and made the trailer float away a few people died in that flood and all the trailers and except for hours and a few others were saved. It's hard to explain all the things that happen in Sedona but they were very, very strange to me. Indeed they had vortexes and I took hikes to places in heard sounds and noises that are indescribable to me things that happened to me because of my age and the things and people that I was with made and bizarre the intimacy that I had with this woman was very strange, but not very close. I believe that it was because that she was lonely and so was I I needed a place to live but I should not have left their there I tried to leave but she did mommy to go. So I didn't me, but I should've left. This is when I met a girl that I think I was in love with. I knew that I could not have this girl this made me very distraught and so I bought a bicycle and a plane ticket and with the money I got from selling my truck and flew to Australia in Australia. I was to find my friends church but when I arrived at the church. They said that they did not know my friend. So I had to move on. So from Sydney. I rode my bike little ways and for a moment I was truly free. I had my bicycle I had a little bit of money I could camp out for free and I was riding through the hills outside Sydney and I can remember being very happy, but the happiness did not last long. As I ran out of money. I was hard for me to find a place to live. So eventually I moved to surfers Paradise there I was in my last five dollars and I found a job I could work as a carpenter and help build a house eventually I found friends in an apartment to live one day while surfing I was very happy the night before. I had met a girl and the next morning I went surfing and after jumping off the board. I bumped my head in the sand and I hope that I didn't do much damage but I guess I did because many months later I had an and lost the feeling in my legs and they thought that I had multiple sclerosis but then I went to the hospital and they fixed my herniated disc in my neck at the time I had met some people and we went into town that night also three of us had met our future wives I met and Caroline sue Prober and we got married I was going to settle down and get a real job but things started to change. I don't know why my wife became angry all the time. As it turns out she was hitting menopause but she could not take the drug to help her because it would give for cancer. I told her that they would be okay and I would be okay but it did in did not work out for me and so I had to move on. I lost Caroline I lost my bicycle and I flew back to the United States but before that, I had taken a train South to know not a train. I bought a car I bought in 1979 1969 Volkswagen fastback I had rebuilt the engine I lived in in in in its was very cold in southern Australia but it was also very hot and eventually I found someone who would give me the granny flat and in the basement and it was really nice in that flat and I read every John Grisham novel that he wrong and I had a great time working as a waiter in one of the local restaurants and Lorne Victoria. I love that place very much and tried to fit in but wasn't able to for some reason I'm not really quite sure why people seem to like me a lot and one time the bartender said that I should go take her son out fishing and we went fishing and I saw a duck billed platypus in the wild and we did catch a fish a we had a great time her son like me very much and I like her and her son on the way back from fishing it began to rain and the car came by and picked us up. As it turned out and it was the and it was the boys father, who was also the game warden but he did not give me a ticket for having a fish that I did not have a license to catch I love Lorn Victoria very much and it has seen many wild things that one time I almost stepped on a black mamba with bare feet and it probably should have bit me. I would surely have died, Arizona
Still, I hope I have not allready pasted this here before From Germany to New Jersey well on my way back from Germany. I stopped in to see my girlfriend Lorna in England. I only met her briefly it didn't seem like she was very pleased to see me. I bumped into her boyfriend and he looked at me and thought and said to me, what are you doing here truthfully I really didn't know. I guess I just missed her to me. She was a much stronger woman than me. To me, she was a much stronger person than me. England was raining and overcast like the norm is. I can remember going into a fit of depression. I was really distraught. I have had my hat handed to me so many times. Well, I guess… Depressed but it's just not right for a grown man to cry. Perhaps at that point in time, I was not a fully grown man. It was probably the last time I ever really cried that much. I guess it was just selfish pity I had acted foolishly I felt bad for. Plus I have headed home a place that I never thought I'd visit again. I thought I was strong enough to endure. Little did I know the punishment ahead of me would be severe. I can remember power washing the inside of the in with the heated power washer. We removed all the smoke and dust off the walls and then we had to mop it up off floors I'll have to admit, the place was pretty disgusting an old beat up rundown biker bar in the foothills of New Jersey. Only later did I find out that the bikers were actually pretty nice guys once they returned it was too bad that my mom had for bid them to ride their bikes up to the bar so it was kind of funny to see a bunch of big guys, dressed in biker gear get out of a Chevy Chevette. Their names were Inky binky and minky they were Vietnam vets and one night when we were partying my brother had decided to get some fireworks, while we were throwing them out the front door. One had landed inside the doorway and me. He went into posttraumatic stress disorder. You could see in his eyes. The planes going overhead. The fear in his eyes. He could tell that he was back in Vietnam he was terrified. We kept having to tell him our names, and where he was and that everything was all right. Later that night when we went fishing. We took the rowboat out and rode over to the lead catcher. It was a kind of floating dock with the light I'm in underneath the light would attract minnows and catch them in a steel cage below while getting onto the raft binky fell into the water. He grabbed a hold of this cowboy hat and held it high so that it wouldn't get wet. I think he dam near drowned but didn't get his hat wet. Those guys became great friends of ours and we enjoyed their company. One night when they all came in one of them put $2000 on the bar and said let's party. So we had decided to close the in for the night and locked the doors so that we could smoke grass and get high with them. Sometimes one would pull out a line of coke and we would do a few bumps or silver spoon. The party would go on to the wee hours of the morning and we talked about everything under the sun. They had great hearts of those guys and they told us about how age had saved each other's lives. I know that I'm glad that I wasn't with them in Vietnam, but somehow wish I had been with them because their bond was so great. The end was hard to run it was a poor decision with the kitchen in the basement and then, later on, did most of our cooking out on the grill. One time we decided to have a pig roast and put parts of the pig out on the grill. The neighbors had thought that we were in some sort of cult. One time my sister and I were drinking and using fireworks we're throwing MAs in the water and watching the splash we were making a lot of noise and the neighbors had complained my brother got all upset and came over to yell as when my sister and brother it started the fight. My brother went inside and locked the door so my sister decided to do what my brother had once done, and that was to simply break the window and open up the door when she did so she cut the main artery in her arm and damned near died. I had my brother so hard on the back later. He said he had felt it for months. One time when my brother was having a party with some friends the had run out of something and he had decided to get on the motorcycle and going to town when he had sped off of the hell he went into the other lane slightly and hit a car straight on the to of been to the air and landed next to the driver side door when the man opened up the door my brother sat up perfectly all right but the motorcycle was no longer workable. It seemed somehow that he could've easily died and yet he came out perfectly unscathed but I was upset because I'd like to ride the bike to but that wasn't the first time that my brothers had gotten into an accident. One time when we were in Florida my brother Joe was upset because he didn't score a woman for the nine and on the way back from town in my father's Mercedes-Benz he drove real fast writing to a tree again. Thankfully they were both okay but the car was demolished my brothers had fought a lot and sometimes my mom would call the police. I felt helpless because I didn't want to get involved and spent my time doing bong hits in the basement. I was sad because most of the fighting was about money. I thought one day I'll show them all and make him a lot of money so that they won't have to worry about money anymore. When I was a little kid, I thought I grew up in be big and strong so that they won't be able to beat me up, by the time I grew up to be that big. We had stopped fighting.
Marg Harris and cottage at Camelot.
My brother and I would go to the gym to work out and take a sauna. On the way back we would stop at a bar and have a few beers. One time while we were there I met a girl named Marge I had asked her to go to the movies with me. And so we went. Little did I know what was in store for me in the relationship that I had with Marge Marge was a modern dance instructor and taught at the local high school. One time while we were there the headmaster had asked if I wanted to teach. I was had taken him up on that offer. It could it changed my life around. I was like choreography. I knew I could do the job I had plenty of ideas for the kids and probably would've made a good career out of it Marge and I were in to partying and would often visit a friend of hers where we would get pot and coke. But just enough for the weekend and then we would be good for the week sure we would drink coffee and smoke cigarettes in the morning but other than that we were like health nuts Marge made a great dish with broccoli and cauliflower sesame seeds tofu and Tamari and Tahini. I recently had that vision thought of March sometimes I think I will've married her but she had two children from two different guys. They were great kids and very smart. I like them both. We would often take a ride up into the park where there was a good view of the sunset and we could see the stars in the sky. We would park ride on the road it was up on the hill and we would sit there and drink champagne, and danced to the car radio. I often like spinning around in a circle and found that I was capable of doing it without losing my balance and brought me into a different world,. It was the 80s and it seemed to be everywhere. One time it helped me get home. I was at a bar and I was very tired and had been drinking and dancing all night long while in the men's room. One guy gave me a bump and it woke me up enough to make it home all right. I was able to drive like a saint. But that doesn't mean I advocate the use of drugs but I feel that mostly the problem with drugs, is that we have to hide them from each other. We concentrate the dose to be too strong. When we really don't need to do that. Sure it's dangerous on the ground, driving by cars on the way home but at least we're not flying. Not that fine would be any more dangerous because I don't think it would be at least we wouldn't be flying so close to each other as we do on the ground. But I found out the other day why we really don't have flying cars. It's not because we don't have the technology, it's not because we can't afford them because if we did have them they'd be too easy to leave the scene of the crime and so crime would escalate. That is my belief while I was walking out the door of the Walmart I saw the Brinks truck stopped and thought well if you did rob the Brinks truck, you wouldn't have anywhere to go. There's only one road in here and one road out. But if you could fly, you might be able to get away with it but don't be mistaken my mind doesn't think about crime for stealing. I don't believe in that I think that it's wrong, but doesn't it seem like the crime to pay all these taxes and bailout these corporations and they still seem to fail right now the country has a government that is shut down, making it hard for some people to work and make money. I think that that is their idea to make this more humble and want our government back up and running. But what do they really do they haven't been able to protect our borders, our way of life, our jobs, our language haven't been able to provide health care or education. When those of the things that we really need not mention the countless homeless people and the children that are starving in the streets doesn't make any sense for kids to be dumpster diving. These days I'm appalled. The way the rich people in the government are treating poor people. It's too bad that they can't do anything but that's not what the stories about I'm trying to figure out what happened after New Jersey. I believe that I packed up my bags and decided to hitchhiking California as I remember now. I had applied to the Culinary Institute of America to name the CIA I wanted to study Asian and Latin cuisine or Asian and French when the letter came of whether I was except that is not my brother told me that I was not except the next morning I had left without saying goodbye. I got a ride on in New Jersey but then got dropped off somewhere in Pennsylvania some old man and me out and got me drunk. Then he had taken advantage of me. I felt pretty lousy about that. He kept feeding the booze and later I decided to call home and come back when I found out that my brother had lied. I was furious because I had missed the entrance date and now was too late to go that could have changed my life. A good education like that I could have been a talented cook, or maybe even a chef. I was lonely at that house and was trying to make friends. One time I met some people and had decided to throw the party. I told my mom not to come over and she agreed that I could have the party without her being that then halfway through the party when my friends were yelling out this profanity about a game they were playing my mom drives up and puts a halt the party. While my brothers had many parties I had very few only two in my life. And both failed miserably or least those were the organizing parties after my mom had thrown everybody out.wish that my mother had agreed not to come over and stay away from the party if she had only kept her promise the tragedy might not have happened to this day I never celebrate my bird day because I've never had a party that will well my father once threw a party in Chicago and had invited all his coworkers. The party was very expensive but few the coworkers had shown up and the ones that did not show up he had decided to fire. It wasn't really fair and my father had fired many people in my father's line of work. Many people lost their jobs. I think that's the reason why we always lived far away from the city and he rarely visited us but he always paid the bills. One time when I was little kid I had worked all day long raking lawns and made $20 the next day my dad had given me $40 for no reason at all and told me to go out and spend it as fast as I could. That ruined me. My concept of money was crushed. From then on it was always easy to come easy go and I was careless with my money. Ever since that day. When I'd come back from Europe. My mom told me that I needed to go to school. Someone where I hadn't really thought about school and was thinking about just getting a job in making some money but she had decided that I should go to school that Texas to see my brother Joe, who was in the Navy and was an officer with a degree in business so I went to Texas A&M University and started to take my preliminary courses. I didn't like Texas very much. It was a lot different from being in France or Germany. All that cowboy stuff seem to aloof for me. I tried to get into a fraternity and failed miserably. It seemed wherever I went gay man would try to come on to me and well seeing how it's a heavy drinker. Sometimes I would fall for their trap often times I find myself waking up with some guy sucking me off in the morning. I only had wanted a place to crash but was too much of a nice guy to defend myself and I wish I had. Not that I'm against gays or lesbians or anything like that but that things should be consensual and understood by both parties but my morals are not necessarily in such high ground either because I knew that my father was famous for bringing girls and my mom was always talking about girls. Figures it seemed a little weird. One time at the end of the school year there was a big party at a hotel and everyone was getting high and getting drunk and listening to reggae music and having sex everywhere. This girl and I were making out and she was falling asleep from being to draw and I wanted to make love to her. So I was bringing her into the bathroom. Then she said no it's not like I did anything to her but had felt bad about it. We were so high on the way back home. I got a ride from some friends when one of him had stopped making a phone call I got out to go to make a phone call when I came back I got into the car and noticed the driver was a different person than I had realized I got into the wrong car. It was the same modelmaking color but parked on the other side of the road. The people were so upset about it they had told the police and the police stopped us after we had figured out when it happened, the police and looked inside the drivers ashtray and found marijuana roaches in the ashtray and got into a lot of trouble on the way back we had stopped at my girlfriends house and she had told her brother about when it happened in the bathroom and you wanted to kill me. I felt really bad but we were still drinking beer. Soon we were on the way to my house the friend of mine who was from the Bahamas. He was a pretty hot guy and his chick magnet. While we were in Stuart, he found some girls and they went out into the surf to have sex while I was sitting in the car. The other girl doing nothing because I was an impotent jerk. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I'm pretty sure that's when the amalgam trouble started to happen. I had gotten the amalgams in from a dentist cross block from the school of the school that I went to the year before. I began to get symptoms of attention deficit disorder and antisocial behavior. I can remember when all my friends want to go and play football together. I just wanted to go home when I got home I would probably just get high watch TV and masturbate. I was always alone and felt bad about myself. I don't know why. I just didn't feel like being around people as a youth I was always alone are I hadn't realized why I was so long and depression became the thing that ruled my life for many years. I wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps it was the beginning of amalgam poisoning. I tried to be happy and I tried to be social, but it just didn't work out. My parents kept moving. I rarely saw my dad except that fishing trips. We would go so far away and then spend a lot of money going fishing only to spend most of the time drinking beer and playing cards. We didn't talk about much, because my father's business was so mysterious. I guess he didn't want to tell me about how he fired people for a living. I can't blame him. I knew that there was something wrong with the family because when I did see my father. He was always so stressed out I would rub his shoulders and rub his feet, until he fell asleep countless times I was in charge of shining his shoes. He had a lot of shoes. They were real fancy. I tried to do real good job but perhaps sometimes I had ruined the shoes I didn't know what to do I wasn't a professional shoeshiner. Well going to Texas A&I University I can remember running. I used to like to run it helped me in a way get over my troubles. I could just keep running and running and watch the scenery go by one time out on the highway. I can remember running by a big Santagratis bull thinking that the only thing between me and him is a thin wire with electricity running through it. If Dachau knew it could split the wire with one quick move and get me. I think it would do so. It would snort and standards. The and it was so heavy I could feel it in the ground. I took advanced lifesaving and swam a lot. I also took a course called Fortran that you would need calculus for but I didn't have calculus and even though half of the class dropped the course and only a third past I passed. I was very proud of Mike D grade because so few people even passed the course nowadays sometimes people even use Fortran. It's kind of computer language that geologists use for archaeology but back then geologists were being replaced by seismographs I wanted to get a job looking for oil but during the year. It went from four jobs to every applicant for applicants to every job and so I decided to drop geology, sadly, to this day I wish I continued and taking archaeology so that I could go on dates and find reminiscence from the past because now I find it the most fascinating thing in my life history is all around us in the ancient past as new discoveries about technology and ancient civilizations that were much smarter than we had been taught in school. So I find at Texas A&I .I went to the library a lot and ended up dating the librarian. She was a cute girl and every time we saw each other we had sex right away. I should've stayed with that girl and gone back to school the next year but I was told that the money had run out and my grades weren't good enough at that point in time my brother had decided to take my father's boat and a lot of my father's money and make a drug run from the Caribbean to New York, they got caught off the coast of Bermuda and we were in the paper it said that there was too much pleasure aboard this craft. There were pictures of the crew, our friends, who I knew personally, then smiles on their faces but I wasn't happy. I knew that that was my tuition gone down the tubes. We had to buy every paper in town so that our neighbors wouldn't find out. It was us. We were on the second page of the New York Times in a big picture of my dad's boat was right there. My brother had decided to go on the run and I went with him. That's why we went to Taos, New Mexico. We fixed up the back of the truck so that we could live out of it and took five tents while on the way out West. We stopped in Texas to get some of my stuff and there I said goodbye to my girlfriend. She wasn't happy to see me go and her father was also very upset with me. He told me that the road that I was taking wasn't any good and he was right. We bought a skirt steak and I pounded it with a 2 x 4. We had like 40 pounds of it and we got a few bottles this week line and marinated it for two weeks. By the time we got the Taos. We had great fajita. We set up the tents next to the road that led up to the Ski Valley. We had five tents. One five-man tent for each of us to sleep then tent each for all our gear and another one just for sweatbox. We had tall deck chairs that we sat by this stream. I can remember the first time my brother took a drink from the water. I told him we couldn't drink the water because the road going up was paved, which meant that there were people upstream and therefore the stream would be polluted. Later on, we both got chlamydia. We had to take these giant pills for three weeks but we had great fajita and at nighttime would drink beer and get high and ER fajita and talk about things that we could do to make money. We had a great time together but somehow I knew I should've been in school the sweatbox 10 was great and we would take the hot stones out of the fire and put them in a pan and put the pan on some sticks and then pour water on the rocks. It works really well. We would sweat up and then jump in the stream to clean up for the day. Later on, we got a job with a guy called Ernie Blake. He owned a sporting goods store that rented ski equipment and I got certified to set bindings. We painted the store red and he gave us his truck and keys to all the condos that he took care of it was a great job for us, but we had to deal with these two other people that didn't like us and we didn't care for them very much either, but we did make friends with two people Even and Ginger. They were great ski instructors.
More notes from the edge of life I used to have a problem with depression and it was horrific. I was at collage one night I took a run and had a turnaround and said in the night under the street light into the darkness I said "you can't have me anymore" I yelled it. Eve since then I haven't had too many problems with depression. But this was different Mercury Amalgam was the true culprit I knew because when I was brushing my brothers teeth and looked in there> I saw all that metal and thought that it didn't seem right to have it in there where electrolysis happens but I didn't know about the mercury Just the fact that they didn't tell us the true ingredients of the silver fillings is some sort of crime. On a moral level and that is depressing. I lost tones of stuff and all of the money that I could have retired on. Somewhere else. Now I'm bitter towards America because they knew and I trusted them with my health I had good health insurance and they lied to me and told me I was fine. In the end, I know what happened to my brother. He died because his doctors did examine him for oxidative stress and a heavy mercury load. I'm stressed just writing this because I know big brother is reading it and he can have my legs cut off if he wants and that scares me.. My own country scares me now. The is no help and nothing but liars and cheating greedy bastards and no pay. Did you know that over fifty percent of foreclosures are done to medical bills? That's depressing for a supposedly great country. I'm running scared!!!
Three times the charm and no one yet arrives Why I went to China. I went to China for several reasons. One was that I needed to find out more about my health. Traditional Chinese Medicine or TCM employs cooking herbs and spices and consuming them and also acupuncture. To them, it seems like everything is about flow. If there's a blockage or if it's not going write then the person is said to be not healthy. The other reason why wanted to go to China was that I knew that's where everything for most things that I grew up buying purchasing was from there. Probably the headset that I'm on now and perhaps the plastic that the program is written on. Well, I was in China many things have my first of was Shanghai a giant metropolis while I was there I stayed in the uptown district. This was an island separated from mainland China the buildings I saw in the things that this bill mesmerize me. I found that their technology and their capability had matched that of any other city or country that I've ever been to and in fact, I found that there were more similarities were differences but there were more differences that could be seen on a smaller scale. There was one thing that I had noticed while in the city was that so many large groups of people, especially older people were out in the street together doing a type of morning exercise. I believe it's called tai chi I'm sure there were other methods that I probably had seen not called tai chi but for the most part, I'm pretty sure most everyone was doing try tai chi in the morning. The Chinese people, for the most part, seemed happy and I was happy for them. I can't speak Chinese. So I didn't really understand exactly what was going on.
Or so my being has a thought that that is what I should think !? This has occurred to me this morning about all the confusion and turn of events was what if the government's reasons for fighting ISIS is legitimate and is not only innocent of any wrong doing and actually is fighting off some enzyme that is hell-bent on wiping out humanity as we know it. But what more confusing is that most people wouldn't even beilieve the government anymore seeing how they bailed out there own finaicial initiutions to debit of the majority of the poulation on more than several occasions and so subsiquintly reduing the peoples faith in it null and void. It's that knowlwedge that should scare me. But the fact that they keep my around at all is beyond me. Seeing how I'm hardly any bennifit to the communtiy. Not even true to my own values the onse that I made for myself. But that's another story. I have a conscious mind or so I think but how could I know what consciousness was if it was at possible that I simply wasn't conscious of it. How can you learn of something if your not at all of even it's very ex·ist·ence
iɡˈzistəns/
noun
the fact or state of living or having objective reality.
And so with no objectivity, you are subjective to whatever reality it is that comes your way. Begs the question of what is a thought? Where did it come from ? Did it just originate in your head from subjective or objective realities of the past and or future are we so sure about what we know about time? Are there any truths to existence to alternate dimensions or time travel?
But more importantly is the question: Are dogs jelouse of a Racoons opposable thumbs and so is it possible that we too aren't quite at eaqual as so we are to beilieve in school. And for a long time school is a required thing your kids belong in school. But what are they really learning there. Tricks to turn there lives into truin. And that advertising that that is what is always needed. What if we were born with a birthright of this omniscience of knowledege and we are tought to understand that we don't know anyting. With this constant parade of Santa Clauses and Eastery Bunnies who's to say what we really beleive as we grow old. I find it no comfort that the ablitly to conform to the woes of life and all it's termoil and to grow comfotable with it is a contratory in terms and certainly grounds to scrutinize your sanity and isn't what you see in the news about how the world is run the very depiction of crazy. Why spend so much money blowing up problems and creating more when it's a fraction of the money spend to fix these very same problems. It perpetuctates it's own economy. Giveing it the kind of reputation or disposition of , of an old curmudgeon. I say of twice here to emphasize the we are all but in an illsion of controll any hoot. So we're using some adjectives to lighten the mood. And I'm using the We here in Royal terms. The Kings English if you will. That's the other point .. What is up with soo many languages certainly the powers that be hadn't intended for us to know much and especially of each other. We used to know our nieghbors now days most people don't. Or rather they know of them but not much about them.
I had a misserable Easter and I don't really care the Holiday has a bitter taste in my mouth my parents would always end up aurging and it was usually after a few momosas or something like that. My mom stayed drunk nearlly allher life and I thought she hadn't drunk in so long when in reality she had never stopped at all. But after having spent two years taking care of her I have never seen anyone who could drink as much as her for as long as she did. And I have seen some pretty horifying things. But anyway I just am at a loss as to what to do. I don't know how to pick up the pieces any more. After I got my mercury amalgam fillings out my life seemed depileted going nowhere and I'm eghusted. After that fall at work and my knees are both in real bad conditon and am not sure of there strength they seem weak just like my wrists and back. My gut is hard to manage I keep trying to deflate it. It is hard to tolerate this constant bloated feeling. It's probably do to the parasites that come with the meat and eggs and the antibiotic that ruin all the good gut flora. It's auckward for me to wait tables and I'm so embarresed my mind doesn't work like that anymore and the system is too complicated to learn and it's allways a difrent system why don't ehy just have a good system and keep it with all the restaurants. what would be a good idea is to have a employee exchenge amoung restaurnats so that empoyees can trevel the world and meet new people and have all the same odring system? Seems too good to be true it probably is.
4/19/2017 Last night went well at work and the food was good , people were nice and so I make this note but am not sure where it is going not the job this note is supposed to be attached to many others and so the story goes that I was supposed to write this note of notes among other notes of inspiring prose that of which I lack in so many areas of what could a great and deep passion of something wished upon to seek the likes of my mother and in that she would ever care to read about how I had concluded my fears and doubts about being all of whatever it was that I had wished. Not withstand should be. But still, find my life loney as it has been and none conisqutial or dynamic as one could suggest it possibly turn out.
What if cash was that of a thing of the past what is it that we would do for each other freely or not. what was it that we wanted so badly that we need to give it to receive it whether it is the serviceman changing your oil or serving you drinks? And then what if all of that was gone as well? What if energy was free and all was free and we lived in a sort of different encampments but isn't that what we already have? so perhaps it is yet to be seen. I don't know.
They did it again. My employer has disregarded my hours of availability. They think I can actually run for that long and that is not the case. Sadly I find myself at again yet another crossroads I feel choppy and misrepresented in my person and being on this planet they don't know that I can't this is not the case they know I can't and feed off of my trying to go beyond my breaking point. This is got me thinking I must make some hard choices. They must think that they are paying my enough but that is not the case either. They must think that I think that that is a large amount of money. 13 dollors an hour may have at one time have been a lot of money but it isn't nowadays. It's too bad that they wouldn't listen to me.
I thought I knew what freedom was but I was wrong but then again I don't think I've seen what freedom freally is to any human that is. All sociteies have difffrent freedoms but some have more than others and yet still there is bondage. spite and envy all around. But few peoples are as free as some of the poorests nations on earth. That is why they are still poor. happy sad rich poor with without is all the same in different variations and yet.
Having said that I live where I lot of people might think it's nirvana, And that may be true. Just not for me. How did that happen. Was it or did it have anything to do with my brother turning into a California raisin and dying. I think maybe. Does mercury poisoning have anything to do with this? And something about mercury is very mysterious that goes back to antiquity. But we don't know a lot of stuff but why are we finding out now.
I tried to put some of the work here?
first of all, death isn't what you think it is. And the problem with the truth on that is that if you all knew what it really was it would be everywhere and then it really would be a fate worse than it. Second, they seem to like it when you lay it all on the line. You either sink or you swim. The universe like the risk taker and sadly that has come to end some of those wishing to impress them. Only just recently I saw a man jump to his death in the permute to do just that. And unacknowledged greenhorn base jumper jumps off a low tower and his shoot fails and he dies. That's just way out there.ss Poor kid.
I don't know why I lose the thought of writing when I write but it happens and it's really weird as if the words themselves had refused to go down. I had thought of many of things to say here but when I came and got here er and started to write they all took off for the hills. They packed up and loaded the car and went on down the road with no were to go and plenty of time on money to hang out and find out where it was they wanted to go It's really annoying. But not as annoying as seeing that kind fall to his death man that was brutal. I like to think that somehow he didn't suffer much but what if it was worst of my fears. Au, it's all just crazy talk I don; 't want to about that.
I don't know why we can't have our own vimanas or however they are called those flying things that were written about in India. I believe in anti-gravity and time warp and all that it's weird how time can be travelling if your traveling and in the end time, in general, seems weird in and that it seems like just yesterday I was a kid and all that.
Missoula Monatana,
We had just graduated from High School and my Buddy Dave wants to go out to Montana to go on a wildreness fesability study so we can save the forest. Bevaerhead Notional Forest to be exact. We went out there and Camped for three strat Months 90 days in the wilderness with a bunch of freaks including myself. I remeber when my friend stole my undrwear and I had cried out thief thief!! We would get into trouble in Missoula Hussleing pool little did anyone know Dave and I had become very good at it practiciing at his house. He went off to jion the Navey with some of the rest of my friends form hihg school. But went to four diffrent high schools. and three diffrent schools before that. Si It's no wonder why I don't like the academic environment. but I might have had there been less bullying. Then WE went off into the wilderness it a wonder we ever made it out alive. We would get lost on a regular basis. And have to hike for mile in no direction at all. I lived in a old whore house in East Missoula where the train had stopped before it went into Missoula That way all the hired hands could lose there money on betting and whores and booze . But it was and still is a tiny town on the outskirts of a railway yard and a warren industrial town. I had a paranormal experience there. My apartment manager was a half-crippled out man. I worked at the Red-lion in as a dishwasher at night and then I had a lot of things to do but I was lousy at them all. I think it's was the kids I grew up with and it all turned into something different and I should never have a part of any of that stuff that was going on. I also got a job as plumbers helper. I could have been a good plumber had I gotten into it. I thought I was primed for something greater in life? Wow was I Wrong I couldn't have been more wrong. Little did I know later that same year I would go to live in
New York state that is then
Bezier France I sold Ice cream and doughnuts on the beach and I picked grapes too.I worked in a hotel and was offered a green card. I should have taken it. I saw the disposal at the love when the whole was an ear and people kept putting stuff on it. Must catch up with all kinds of stuff and then wiping it off.
Sedona and to Australia from Yellowstone
I took a job in Yellowstone National park the lead to going to Sedona that lead to Going to Australia. All really big places but on different scales. And what happened in between didn't fit in the allotted time frame. I was a waiter in Sedona and they made it impossible to keep the job. But they do that often in order to keep the job a poorly paying job. Ok it may just look that way. It's hard to keep up writing.
Life story number two.
I remember sitting on a bus in Downtown Surfers Paradise thinking ho no it's always going to be like this? And that it was a bad thing. I could figure out how or why I could think that when I actually had a pretty go life if you looked at it from afar. But now I can see that it's all rigged everything is it's all under a certain higher power but if your thinking that that means it safe or that they like you you'd be wrong. first of all, death isn't what you think it is. And the problem with the truth on that is that if you all knew what it really was it would be everywhere and then it really would be a fate worse than it. Second, they seem to like it when you lay it all on the line. You either to sink or you swim. The universe like sthe risk taker and sadly that has come to end some of those wishing to impress them. Only just recently I saw a man jump to his death in the permute to do just that. And unacknowledged green horn base jumper jumps of a low towwer and his shoot fails and he dies. That's just way out there.ss Poor kid.
I don;t knwo why I lose the thought of writing when I write but it halogens and it's really weird as if the words themselves had refused to go down. I had thought of many of things to say here but when I came and got here er and stretched to write they all took off for the hills. They packed up and loaded the car and went on down the road with no were to go and plenty of time on money to hang out and find out ewehre it was they wanted to go It's really annoying. But not as annoying as seeing that kind fall to his death man that was brutal. I like to think that dsoem how he didn't suffer much but what if it was worst of my fears. Au it's all just crazy talk I don't want to about that.
I don't know why we can't have our own or vimanas how ever they are called those flying things that were wrtot about in India. I believe in anti-gravity and time warp and all that it's weird how time can be travelling if your travelling and in the end time, in general, seems weird in and that it seem like just yesterday I was a kid and all that.
Missoula Monatana,
We had just graduated from High School and my Buddy Dave wants to go out to Montana to go on a wilderness feasibility study so we can save the forest. Bevaerhead Notional Forest to be exact. We went out there and Camped for three strat Months 90 days in the wilderness with a bunch of freaks including myself. I remember when my friend stole my underwear and I had cried out thief thief!! We would get into trouble in Missoula Hustling pool little did any one know Dave and I had become very good at it practising at his house. He went off to join the Navy with some of the rest of my friends form high school. But went to four different high schools. and three different schools before that. Si It's a no wonder why I don't like the ascended environment. btu I might have had there been less bullying. Then WE went off into the wilderness it a wonder we ever made it out alive. We would get lost on a regular basis. And have to hike for mile in no derection at all. I lived in a old whore house in East Missoula where the train had stopped before it went into Missoula That way all the hihgered hands could loose there money on betting and whores and booz . But it was and still is a tiny town on the outskirts of a railway yard and a wetrren industrial town. I had a paranormal exsperince there. My aptment manager was a half cripled out man. I wkrd at the Red-lion in as a dishawsher at nihgt and then I had a lot of things to do but I was lousy at them all. I think it's was the kids I grew up wtih and it all truned into somethjing diffrent and I hsouldn never had a part of any of that stifft hat was gling on. I also got a job as plumbers helper. I could have been a goo dplumber had I gotten into it. I thought I was prim for something greater in life? Wow was Iwrong I couldn' t have been more wrong. Little did I leasdise later that same year I would go to live in
Europe and work in Germany and France. and England hitch-hike all over the world.
Brazier France I sold Ice cream and doughnuts on the beach and I picked grapes too.I worked in a hotel and was offered a green card. I should have taken it. I saw th edispoal at the loove whe the whole was an ear and people kept putting stuff on it. Musd catchiup mul kinds of stuff and then wiping it off.
Sedona and to Australia from Yellowstone
I took a job in Yellowstone National park the lead to going to Sedona that lead to Going to Australia. All real big places but on different scales. And what happened in between didn't fit in the allotted time frame. I was a waiter in Sedona and they made it impossible to keep the job. But they do that often in order to keep the job a poorly paying job. Ok, it may just look that way. It's hard to keep up writing.
So I got my door today and now wish I hadn't brought it at all seeing how I could just pull the dent out and the door will be alright
A lot of theings will change and they keep changing. Where are going is more like will we get invited to go?
While hello hello well I'm supposed to write down a lot of stuff about what happened in the past and I'm not really quite sure what I'm supposed to do. Maybe it's can work out where this is right for me. I don't know what I could do is just try to work with it the best I can. We'll see what comes out. But I remember leaving high school. He graduated from Gibraltar hi, Wisconsin in 1979. Before that in 1978 I was at how we in the hills Academy in Florida, and before that I was fat Wasatch Academy in 1977 and then before that in 1976 I was that Mary and sensual in Woodstock, Illinois was such Academy was in Utah. So yeah eight at I went to him Ohlson junior high in Woodstock, Illinois in central met sensual it says Marion sensual anyway him I am not him him-him and him working with something that reads my voice doesn't work for work. The changes my words to mean something else which are really, ruins it for me so anyway try to recall my past and it's really hard to do. I graduated from high school in Gibraltar hi, which is pretty horrific five years that year. I did a lot of running but I didn't get into the track. I tried to go out for track getting make in that was really disappointing to me really wanted to get that letter and really disturbed about it now 52 years old I I believe that I had them out sickness and I believe that my brother died from the same sickness that I have now perhaps have I got my mom's out he didn't anyway I live in the back of my mom's trailer attached trailer with my mom in Florida and I'm I'm really grief-stricken because I lost a lot of money at I had one a pay sue, from somebody who had rear-ended me and okay has to fix this Dragon thing is it doesn't say what arms I'm saying it's really screwing up my words to make it look like I'm a bad guy. It is and says I had one up pace suits pursue says Sue that suit. So this is not working for some reason and I'm trying to write this book bias I guess I should be typing in not doing this who is the correct all this crap. I have no idea it's possible the correct I can't talk too fast or won't do a right and if I talk to slow I don't care right but I graduated from high school 79. I went out to do a wilderness feasibility study with my buddy Dave Houser that was probably not what I wanted to do you we went to Montana and then after the feasibility study my body join the Navy, with all my other friends I want to do that I wanted to stay get a job. I was against military adding 10 police and military asked raisin in and anyway it's really a struggle for me because from there it gets really really really hard to focus on what the hell happened because I ended up hitchhiking across the world terrified of everything him and act it felt like I couldn't trust anybody, not even me exist to where I did. I didn't like my wife. I don't like my life I didn't like what happened in my life and other people would look at my life and go while I wish I had your life you go figure but I remember being a happy hours remember being broke and yet it just skiers to be a great life I don't know what Dragon is trying to say now but anyway I I ended up going to my father's place and after after Montana. I went home after Montana. I went to see my dad somewhere a we went from apartment to apartment and we were with my sister and my other brother I don't like what the American government has done to other people and I saw this as a child I was remember my parents arguing over money and I see people on the street arguing over money to pay the bills and then it turns out that Thursdays technology to get energy for free and were polluting the air with this-this oil stuff and find out that it's not necessary and that we can produce energy without paying for it get it for free without all this trouble as really disturbing that's really disturbing. Not as really disturbing. I hate the way this Dragon thing works it always was my words into something stupid her makes me feel look week. Anyway I went with my dad. He rented a place in New York called spook rock was a giant cobbler stone barn was turned into a house we lived in. I had a job I forget where I was working I wanted good England was talking my girlfriend. I remember working out a lot. I did push-ups I did situps. I jogged a lot. I sold ice cream and donuts on the Riviera that I picked grapes on the after that I went to Germany. I washed dishes at the hotel spilled into and after that, I went to England after that I went to New Jersey I worked as the country in for the summer and then after that. Was in California we ended up going to New Mexico with my brother to, which in Texas for year and worked at them and then I went to Texas for school a little bit some and then my classes got dropped or something not quite sure I really wanted to go to school so I went summertime never ended up going pain. I'm going with my brother and and no not and Dan I can't speak with this thing this doesn't more that it was a bad thing. I could figure out how or why I could think that when I actually had a pretty go life if you looked at it from afar. But now I can see that it's all rigged everything is it's all under a certain higher power but if your thinking that that means it safe or that they like you you'd be wrong. first of all death isn't what you think it is. And the problem with the truth on that is that if you all knew what it really was it would be everywhere and then it really would be a fate worse that it. Second, they seem to like it when you lay it all on the line. You either sink or you swim. The univers like sthe risk taker and sadly that has come to end soem of those wishing to impress them. Only just recently I saw a man jump to his death in the permute to do just that. And unacknowledged green horn base jumper jumps of a low towwer and his shoot fails and he dies. That's just way out there.ss Poor kid.
I don;t knwo why I lose the thought of writing when i write but it haooens and it's really wiered as if the words themselves had refused to go down. I had thought of meny of things to say here but when I came and got here er and streted to write they all took off for the hills. They apcked up and laoded the car and went on down the road with no were eto go and plenty of time on money to hang out and find uot ewehre it was they wanted go It's really annoying. But not as annoying as seing that kidn fall to his death man that was brutal. I like to think that dsoem how he didn't suffer much but what if it was worst of my fears. Au it's all just crazy talk I don;'t want to about that.
I don't know why we can't have our own vermannas or how ever they are called those flying things that were wrtot about in India. I beleive in anti gravity and time warp and all that it's wierd ow time cna travelling if your travelling and in the end time in general seems wierd in and that it seem like just yeaterday I was a kid and all that.
Missoula Monatana,
We had just graduated from High School and my Buddy Dave wants to go out to Montana to go on a wildreness fesability study so we can save the forest. Bevaerhead Notional Forest to be exact. We went out there and Camped for three strat Months 90 days in the wilderness with a bunch of freaks including myself. I remeber when my friend stole my undrwear and I had cried out thief thief!! We would get into trouble in Missoula Hussleing pool little did any one know Dave and I had become very good at it practiciing at his house. He went off to jion the Navey with some of the rest of my friends form hihg school. But went to four diffrent high schools. and three diffrent schools before that. Si It's a no wonder why I don't like th eascedemc envroment. btu I might have had there been less bullying. Then WE ewnt off into the wildreness it a wonder we ever made it out alive. We would get lost on a regualar basis. And have to hike for mile in no derection at all. I lived in a old whore house in East Missoula where the train had stopped before it went into Missoula That way all the hihgered hands could loose there money on betting and whores and booz . But it was and still is a tiny town on the outsrts of a railway yard and a wetrren industrail town. I had a paranormal experience there. My aptment manger was a half cripled out man. I work at the Red lion in as a dishawsher at night and then I had a lot of things to do but I was lousy at them all. I think it's was the kids I grew up wtih and it all truned into somethjing diffrent and I hsouldn never had a part of any of that stifft hat was gling on. I also got a job as a plumbers helper. I could have been a goo plumber had I gotten into it. I thought I was prim for somethign greater in life? Wow was Iwrong I couldn' t have been more wrong. Little did I leasdise ltaer that smae year I would go to live in
Eoutrope and work in germany and france. and England hichhikin all over the world.
Bezier France I slod Ice cream and doghnuts on the beach and I picked grapes to.I worked in a hotel and was offered a green card. I hsould have teken it. I saw th edispoal at the loove whe the whole was an ear and people kept putting stuff on it. Musd catchiup mul kinds of stuff and then wiping ot off.
Sedona and to Australia from Yellowstone
I took a job in Yelotonw National park the lead to going to Sedona that lead to Going to Austraila. All real big places but on diffrent scales. And what happend inbetween didn't fit in the allotted time frame. I was a waiter in Sedona and they made it impossible to keep the job. But they do that often in order to keep the job a pooorly paying job. Ok it may just look that way. It's har to kepp up writting. Hello can you write this down hello hello hello okay well I never really thought that that would happen fast but I get so CFIT can work this is where I will start this is how I want to do this won't work as fast as I can get this done and really move on with my life because I'm not doing this forever end of sentence. So first full I was born in Chicago and I grew up in the suburbs we were moving from house to house fairly often as I we finally moved down Woodstock where I went grade school in my first ice and that's where I got my first amalgams
12/3/2018
Everything's so organized how could he be bluffing, of course, he's got something.No one would even bat an eye if he came up with four aces. He's that kind of person. Could see it from a mile away. Got something going on., how would you know? How would you know if he was bluffing? You couldn't. You wouldn't. Just the same Seem so confident and all. Wish I had it going on like that. What would it take to be like that? Nice clothes a great body. Do I need to raise my chin or something? God if I could only be like him. Maybe just thinking I'm going to win and I could bluff em out. I don't want to get bluffed into a corner. I gotta figure out what's going on inside this guys mind. Has he got his cards? Do I know for sure? What about doubt. It's taboo to say the word. He's going all in.
I gotta back away from this. What about confidence. Can't just run. Whiteout! Gone many years later.
It's Tuesday, January 15, 2019 I am continuing on with the story my name is George grande I was born on May 20, 1961, at 1:58 PM at St. Mary's Hospital in Cicero Chicago I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago primarily in Woodstock which is just outside the Rockford area just west of Chicago my earliest memories were that of playing with my friends Danny and Stanley D Chan because they had and erector set and we were making go carts his dad had an old car it was like in 1945 Plymouth sedan or something like that I'll never forget playing with those plows and cars on the corner of the road and then later they put sod there and there was grass so I couldn't play in the dirt and that ruined it for me but I was done playing with trucks in the dirt I guess it was time to move on into real things and doing bigger things because I was getting bigger I had to take responsibility for becoming an adult eventually I knew that change was coming I just didn't want to accept it I was happy just playing with my trucks in the dirt I was saddened in the fact that progress meant that it took my play dirt pile away.
I'll never forget a friend of ours had a radio in his basement that could tune in to a foreign radio station if he made the antenna attached to his plumbing which at one time he used electrical and he froze himself to the wire and I had to push him off of it with stick I did know much about electricity then and I don't really make that I noticed is much anymore as I did then but there's one thing for sure my earliest memories of it were extremely interesting to me. I went to Dean Street elementary high school and I'll never forget we had do evacuate the entire school one day just because some kid dropped the thermometer in the basement apparently the mercury had was so bad or toxic that we had to evacuate the whole school and now come to think of it I think that after that day was the one day I had to go get a silver filling in my mouth at it at a place that had a strange address with three sixes in it and I thought that that was a little weird having look back at it think is very weird. I'll never forget being a little kid in going to the buckaroos we would go camping but we were the Boy Scouts we were like real camping people we thought we were renegades of some sort and camped out in remote places that really had no specific interest at all but we were getting out of the house and that's pretty much what our parents like the most about it besides that house where we lived on Austin in Woodstock Illinois didn't really have enough room for as many kids as we had I was the youngest of five and it was really only a two bedroom two bathroom house there was one upper floor in an attic and we turn the attic into to to but bedrooms were me and my brother lived. I remember my brother one night scared me by putting his hand in front of my face before I woke up he snuck down on the floor and put his hand rain front of this my face and scare the holy crap of fire to me but that was a scary room up there for some reason I don't know why perhaps it was because it was at the top of the hill and a lot of storms would pass right overhead. Austin that was the house where we would jump off the roof onto the bushes just because we could and not get hurt it's amazing was still alive and that behind the garage were some vines in on the vines were tens of thousands of monarch butterflies and we thought that that was pretty amazing also the house on Austin was where we had boomers are Pat raccoon and we Boomer for at least a year and a half before we had released it back into the woods where we believe it grew into a real big raccoon. Austin was also the place where I got my first bicycle I'll never forget it was a Schwinn mustang or Schwinn stingray was a banana seat it wasn't a five-speed or anything like that but I love that just the same. We rode our bikes everywhere we would even ride to Crystal Lake just because it had a McDonald's there was Marty and Mike Ratchford Mike Waldo my friend Mark grab her and there was this other guy and I forgot his name now feel badly about it because there was a rumor around school that he got caught masturbating and he was looking at a army book and army comic book he had this really big house and his parents were pretty well to do but it ruined them he was a good friend of mine there was this big sunken living room and we would all play in it when we were friends we would ride our bikes around we would go to riders woods and hang out in the woods riders woods was a place where we would play hockey in the wintertime. Anyway there was rumor that he had stolen a car and got into big trouble and went to a military school because of it and we think that is life got ruined from that point but there are other kids that I knew and I forget their name that lived down on the same street or just in the same neighborhood I remember a girl named Tina that was our friend. I remember wanting to play the guitar or learning to play the guitar and my father got me a guitar but I complained that it was a real cheap guitar but then my parents had decided to buy some guitar lessons and I went to Jamie Beale's house and paid him the money for the lessons and then I never went to the lessons I felt bad about that and I'm not really quite sure why didn't go I was intimidated by this person I'm not really quite sure what happened to this day I think that it's possible that I was afraid of what it might bring but now I look back thinking well I was just an idiot later on I had learned to play the guitar somewhat and the flute as well and we were even in the drum and bugle corps and I learned how to play the drums but we never became anything of a band and all of us kids went different ways my parents eventually sent me off to boarding school and I never found out what happened to the rest of those guys but after high school me and my friend Dave Hauser I decided to go do a wilderness feasibility study in Missoula Montana and Beaverhead national Forest. After the study I got a job in Missoula and Dave went home and those guys all join the Navy I stayed out Montana and was a plumbers helper and I washed dishes at a local restaurant I got my first apartment in East Missoula Montana at a really old place that used to be a horror house and I had my first ghost experience of my life. Late at night in the middle of the night, there was a realist talk at the bottom of my bed and I couldn't figure out what it was. Well anyway I stayed in Missoula Montana for a few months I had some pretty bad experiences there with gypsies and other folks who would claim to be religious gurus but in turn did turn out to be just con artists themselves I bought my first car in Missoula Montana was in 1965 Pontiac Bonneville. I had found out that my parents got divorced but that my father and my sister and my brother were still together back in New York. When my parents got divorced my father wanted to take care of us and I think that he attempted to do a real good job of it by giving us our real good home all work to do and schooling available well he went and worked in New York City. My father bought a boat and asked me if I wanted to help him take it to Florida or rather he wanted me to be on the crew that took it to Florida he didn't have the time to go on the cruise himself so I went with the crew and had my first experience of seasickness coming out of Hells gate in New York. On the way down the coast it seemed I was getting pretty lucky at the port towns with the girls and then and so was my friend when we got to Daytona Beach we met two British girls and they were awesome I eventually went to visit one in England her name was Lorna Johnson and while staying in England with her I got a job at a nightclub picking up glasses but also worked in towns and suits. One day Lorna came home and told me that her job had and in that she was going to get a new one in the city but I couldn't come with not having known much about her in a few dollars in my pocket I decided to head out and see the world on my own. I took the ferry across the street witnessed the giant hovacraft we got to the other side I remember meeting some kids on the bold through the watches overboard I'm the one who didn't want to keep my watch in case I needed it they didn't want to be slaves to time but that was 1979 or no it's 1980 by this time we got to the other side I got on the train and I can remember only having enough money to buy the small pizza little did I know at the time that it had anchovies on a retched at the idea of anchovies at the time but now enjoyed each anchovy I my pizza to this day I'll get to Paris I remember staying at a place in the three docs just for a couple of nights then I took a train heading to the Côte d'Azur but through the town of Burgundy and then onto Tahloose into this I remember meeting some people and everything is very open and then taking another train all the way to Beziers there I was finally told to go to a certain beach where all I will find work selling ice cream and donuts I believe the beach is called Masiello plage and I did sell ice cream and donuts and it was the largest nude is beach on the globe but I only thought it as the real world soon afterward I got a job picking up glasses at a nightclub.
Soon the season ended and I took a quick trip over to Morocco I thought that I was gonna go to Marrakesh then across all the way to Egypt but when I got to Morocco I became frightened and in that Africa was a different land and different rules applied so I didn't feel as safe I was officially out of Europe and that it was well known that they took guys like myself away and when they came back they weren't the same and in fact when I did get back to Spain I met someone who wasn't he was a British guy who apparently had been traumatized in some way eventually I got him to talk and then eventually to eat but he was in a bad way we took the train all the way up through Spain back to France of which I spent the night on the floor sleeping with a girl whom I'll never forget we spent two days on that train and shared stories sang songs and partied together I was sad to see them go once in France I met some girls and was going with them until one of them had decided that I wasn't right for their group and then I was off on my own again so I headed for Germany I had heard that there was work in the hills and proceeded to hitchhike to Freiburg. Once in Freiburg I learned the words in German how to ask for work and so I just went door to door asking for work I didn't find any right away but spent the night in my tent in the Black Hills just outside Freiburg there I had a strange experience with several tall trees that stood around my camp I'll never forget that experience and soon found a job the very next day. I worked at the hotel for several months and then the owner had told me that I could apply for a work visa which was like a green card to me at the time I wish I had stayed on and stayed in Germany. On the way home I briefly stopped in England to look up my old girlfriend it wasn't easy to find her I soon departed for America where my brother and my sister and my father had purchased a country in New Jersey where we got to work remodeling the old country inn.
I have tried with everything in my person to be independent and live beneath my means and be generous and live a healthy happy life and I have not succeeded. I am tired now and there is little of what I have left to give or have to cope. I am lost I have no friends no real friends that I really know and have spent time with as I am always trying my best to stay alive and make money to live. I don't see how I can survive. I am losing hope like everything that I have ever had has been taken from me.
To me it seems so obvious that the powers that be would really like just to have cheap labor it doesn't really matter what happens to the people it it is as if Monsanto and big Pharma on are in bed together and the healthcare system doesn't really seem to want anything but your money here. It's like most the people are really in bad shape there either overweight or their sufferings from something and by comparison to other people around the globe I find that the these Westerners will muscle dissent Americans suffer the most from eating foods that are have ingredients in them that are bad for them in the end they go to the doctor gives the pill from big farmer in the pharmaceutical companies make an enormous amount of money from this and it also seems that it's obvious now that the technologies for the free energy is there but it was not able to use it in that doesn't seem to be right
